Open All Hours

Hey Folks,

So Im afraid its been a little while since we last spoke, a period longer than a New York minute I expect, though Ive never been comfortable with the interpretation of a hot minute. Should I get ready to wait, or will I get what I need before I finish typing this sentence? A baker after all, whilst possibly failing from poor education, will ensure you went home with more than the dozen rolls you were anticipating, thus implying that an accepted quantification may be skewed by its relationship to a place or person where that understanding is possibly neither accurate or even relevant.

….AND?!    “What of it?” I hear you think

Well time, in this case, how long since Ive posted an update, is the fixed constant used to measure how long something has been since it was last. It feels longer for you, even though you’ve all been mad busy. It feels less for me, not because Im not busy, but because all the usual markers of a week barely exist. Where this develops into an issue, is when one decides to do something “next week”……much like tomorrow, it never comes because you’ve no idea when the current one ends.

Not much of an excuse is it really? No. So ok, lets just say Im sorry & move on 😉

The real reason things have “drifted” is that Ive struggled for inspiration. I don’t mean staring at a blank page writers block kinda stuff –  I don’t have a problem filling a page ;), but I mean the one thing that acts as a catalyst for the theme, however convoluted. It doesn’t matter where it comes in the story, but it becomes my starting point for assembly & sets the tone. This isn’t a diary, so any event is woven into a story, at least in my head, because its my story. I approach Djing in the same way. Yes I can do the job generically, but to really shine, I build a story for myself with music, starting with a single track that makes me feel the way I want you to.

Therein lies my challenge, lots of things I want to share with you, all of them understudies for the midweek matinee & of the big name stars, little or no significant change. So with a nod to Open All Hours paraphrasing Ronnie Barker, its been a funny ol’ coopla months, G GuGgg Guh g Geeeranville……….

Top of the Pops

Ive been spending quite a lot of time with Roey. We continue to enjoy each others company & after having hosted a private party for some friends, we started something of a “night” at La Casa Rosa. I have to say I was both proud & surprised to hear that people traveled from other towns along the coast to attend. Of course there was the usual shaky start when we opened the doors at 7pm, classy bar culture vybes drifting out into the moonlight. A chicken & a dog were the only entrants for the next hour, but then it was like a coach pulled up. Luckily there were a number of expats that understood the concept of simply standing around enjoying a drink over an interesting conversation with a stranger, whilst rhythms & melodies intertwine in the background to keep your body vibrating whether you want it to or not. Yes Ecuadorians drink, a good many of them too much I suspect & yes, every venue from restaurant to ice cream kiosk has a speaker set to stun, but the only other places that combine those three elements are full blown nightclubs. Most venues are restaurants in which you can sit with friends & simply drink, but its not a bar. Road side kiosks sell beer, so they tend to keep a basic plastic garden set of small table & 4 chairs on which their patrons will pause with a cool one, to exchange comment on the passing day….. but its still not a bar. So we became one -Casa NotChe! (this is what happens when an Englishman & an Israeli, speak in Spanish) We are hoping to continue with them monthly & were definitely bolstered by a feature in “Venu”, an equivalent to a version of London’s Evening Standard magazine, based in Guayaquil. Sadly there is no online version, so I took a photo for posterity. The review is primarily on La Casa Rosa as a restaurant, but given that I get an honoury mention as the “very famous British DJ”, I shan’t be writing to the editor to complain J

Are you Being Served

You will recall that all my visa paperwork was accepted as complete & submitted for final approval 20^th December 2016, with anticipated receipt 30days later. Following the kind of telephone badgering a bot would be proud of, I finally received confirmation in early February. Sadly it was simply that the valuation certificate for my property had expired & would need to be updated before my application could be completed. Quick trip to St Elena, expired document clutched in my sweaty palm, I hopped in a cab at the bus terminal to the Municipo. I almost know the way to their office by heart now, but I had no time for the dalliance of a stroll, my mind could almost see the rubber stamp poised over my application. Of course in my excitement, (arising from; rejection of this document being proof my application is actually being processed, thus with said document replaced, approval was a given), I’d forgotten that any document, regardless of when submitted or time required to process, will only ever be ready the following Saturday.

There is no formal postal service as such on the coast, or possibly even the whole country. So aside from fedex like couriers, the best way to get something from one place to another without taking it yourself, is to send it on a bus. You can take advantage of this service at any place you can buy a ticket, so this doesn’t apply to the “local” buses that run up & down the coast unless you know the drivers. Naturally its not as straight forward as licking a stamp & popping it in the box, here you have to submit your own passport & know the passport No of the recipient. You then photo/scan your ticket & send it to your recipient, as without this & their passport, the package cannot be collected. It is of course far better than the 6hr round trip to deliver it yourself & lots of locals use the service for stock deliveries of goods only available in Guayaquil, that they resell here on the coast.

So it was in this way I returned my valuation & was told it should be no more than 15days more. 16^th March, the day before Jeff arrives (spoiler alert!), I am told my property registration document has also expired. Now I know my property valuation certificate was next to my registration document in the file when it was submitted, so even sidestepping the time taken, how did they not see these two out of date documents at the same time?!! Leaving Jeff to lay in the morning after his arrival, its back to the Municipo for a rinse & repeat of the last few paragraphs. The latest hot news is that I will be a proud recipient of my Cedula 11^th April, the day after my Mother arrives (oops, n’other spoiler alert!). There is no breath being held for that Tuesday, Im just taking it day by day….& as the intro, Im seldom aware of how long its actually taking, so theres little to get frustrated about as long as I breath……..ooooooohmmmmmm.

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet

With my land more or less ready for prep to begin works, it was time to get everything else pinned down. In a joint venture with Bob the Digger drivers son Jarret, we approached the nearest concrete plant to discuss delivery along the coast. Yes for my build, but as Jarret gets involved in construction from the start, we see an opportunity for temporary/mobile plants, set up where they are needed rather than the 90min delivery time. The nearest north is 5hrs away, so most people just mix manually. Im sure you can imagine that the concrete mixed after lunch will be poorer than after breakfast & at the end of the day its little better than sub standard. Anyway, it’s a workable idea that just needs customers, so we will come back to that in the future maybe 😉 Having engaged the concrete company I am now comfortable that all my concrete will be as specified – their plant is both modern & impressive – however, I just know I will have to make considerable planning allowances for all the days the truck is running to a different time concept 😉 Jarret is also developing his own excavation business to include material supply & delivery, which is sweet, sweet music to me as the guys that deliver stuff only have pickups with extended sides, so all material has to be loaded & unloaded by hand/shovel. The Builders yard doesn’t arrange this as part of their service, you buy/order from them & then call a pick up guy to go & get it to bring to you, when he has time of course 😉

So Im all set & just waiting on “English John”, a local site foreman. Having spent 10 years on the Costa Del Sol, he’s been in Olon for the last 7yrs & came recommended. He’s friendly enough & clearly knows his way around a site, but it irks when he calls me boy. He’s been finishing his current contract since February, but in fairness, his current client is a ditherer with unrealistic expectations. Running through my project, outlining my thoughts on challenges, I could tell he was not going to be easy to work with – aware of my feelings towards it, he chatted endlessly about Manchester United. The trouble is, he is something of a minority around here in terms of replacements, so I sucked it up & we carried on theoretically planning a start when he finished the current one. We had been discussing rates for a month, I already knew the cost of labour & trades, but it appeared to make him feel authoritative to remind me, though he was unable to confirm his own rate & would “work something out soon”. After insisting for 3wks, he finally gave me his rate & I’ll put it in context for you here: Labour @ $2 p/h, Tradesmen $3.50 p/h Working Foremen $5 p/h English John $20 p/h. Im still waiting for his reply to my questioning what he thought he could bring to the role that justified this expense.

All is not lost though, the guy I intended to use last year is near to finishing his contract in Miami, so Im hoping we can just pick up where we left off & as this guy is a local, I feel better for the community contribution of local hire. This may be relevant later should I need to deal with an issue where Gringo’s may not usually do well…….Im not a Gringo, Im Britanico, will likely go down as well as “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy”

Homes Under The Hammer

So Im more or less ready to go on my build, however, aside from some small works, the first few months will be all concrete, at a cost of around $25k. I don’t want to decimate my savings pot, so my plan is to use the proceeds of my house sale in UK. You all know that fell through the first time & guess what, the offer the day before I got on the plane fell over a few weeks ago. Amazingly my estate agents had people in there the following day, which produced something of a bidding war, so now I have an offer in excess of the previous one & the whole process has now started again. Im not annoyed, Im not even really fazed. There is nothing I can do to affect this process but maintain a positive outlook & flow with it. This is a perfect storm in the making & it has taken some time to get all the pieces in place, but very soon; the visa will be issued, the house will complete, the kitchen, glazing & the container will be given the go & works WILL begin on site. Everything hinges on the visa & the money, but once those metaphorical dams burst, all that remains is to ride the wave through to a happy ending! 🙂

Dragons Den

As you might imagine, Ive had some time on my hands, even given the amount of it I’ve spent on buses! So hanging out one day with Roey, we got to chatting about his retreat business, how it was doing & where it was going. A few mojito’s later & it turns out the retreats are doing well, but taking a lot of work for a relatively low return. La Casa Rosa is great as a “rustico” restaurant, but its one bedroom accommodation does not boast 5 stars. He needed to go bigger & better & by the end of the night, we had the bare bones of a luxury retreat business. When the hot light of day burned through our eyelids, we set about the research & contacted a few of the elite properties along the beach. Sleeps 24, $2k a night, modern design – this was sounding promising! To be fair it is a nice house, but it only has 5 bedrooms, all of which have bunk beds as well as a double & a couple of trusty fold out sofa beds on the mezzanine passageway. This was looking more like an immigrant housing project than a luxury property, so it was back to the drawing board. Many, many, mojitos later, we settled on the perfect middle ground of beautiful retreats for groups no larger than 10 & now have a small portfolio of properties that tick all the boxes, without being priced by the number of people you could squeeze into it in the event of emergency. Our focus is on providing a healthy & spiritually energising retreat in which to practice yoga & surfing. Off the back of recent enquiries & excellent grown up business advice from our holidaying “in-house consultant”, we have now drilled that down to initially only offer this service to yoga teachers that have a group already but need a destination. Its quite exciting 🙂 We haven’t yet begun the advertising for these group booking as we still have a few bits & pieces to tie down before we go live, but you can keep an eye on our progress here, these two shown are the existing hosted at Casa Rosa: https://www.bookyogaretreats.com/vikara-lifestyle

..& now the local news, weather & travel information in your area

I get it, the world gets it, British people have an exceedingly dull fascination with the weather. In fairness, whilst weather in the UK is hardly ever extreme, its variances do impact our choices on clothing & external activities to name but two. My expectation for weather consideration in Ecuador went something along the lines of “what colour t-shirt shall I wear today?”. This was a fair & reasonable conclusion based on my experience of the years weather between March & December, but what I hadn’t expected was what happens in February. Now generally the weather in Ecuador presents itself in two seasons, Summer & Winter. Summer runs from December to June & its hotter & wetter than Winter, which unsurprisingly runs from June to December & is cooler & dryer than Summer. In truth the most noticeable difference is the white cloud that fills the sky in Winter & how hot the Sun feels in Summer. As for rain I’d only ever felt a few drops during the day & seen the evidence of a shower on the occasional morning. Last year was supposed to see the full force of El Niño, but I guess it was running a little late & finally got here this February (even the weather arrives “mañana”) . So if you recall, it actually began raining on my first scheduled day on site, which was a fair downpour, but not a patch on what was to come. The rain continued through to the end of Jan on a day here or there basis, hot sun in between, so no great shakes. Then February arrived & with it came the kind of rain Arks were built for.

Let me paint you a picture – There is a river a few hundred meters north of Olon that outflows into the sea – I have only ever seen this river as a dried up trickle that never made it on to the sand, but its mouth is about 30m across the beach headland. I often walk or ride home along the beach from Olon, so the first time I came upon the river actually making it all the way across the sand to the sea was something of a surprise, but I paddled through it without issue or much thought. Making my way home one night a couple of weeks later, I got off my bike when I got to the water’s edge, which was much much further from the other edge than it had been. Picking up the bike to wade through it seemed easy enough, even though it was dark & high tide. There was really no way of telling where the sea began & the river ended, so I just kept walking straight. When the water was up to my knees I turned around, went back to dry land & removed my shorts – its only 30mins walk, but doing so in wet clothes isn’t fun. So with clothes, wallet & cigarettes safely dry in my rucksack, I set out to cross once more. The sea is lovely & warm at around 22 deg, but the river comes down straight out of the mountains, so as the water passed over my waist, I idly wondered if “fluffers” charge extra on cold days. Nearing the middle, I couldn’t hold my bag & the bike out of the water any longer & the incoming waves threatened to bend me to their will if I couldn’t hold myself upright, so I dropped the bike into the water to try & increase my hold on the bottom. Of course by now Id realised that the river had cut a swathe through the sand, so it seemed logical to head further out to sea where the routing would be less. Of course, as King Canute will testify, theres little one can do against the waves of an incoming tide, you just have to go with the flow. I was pushed back inland & further up the newly formed river bed. The waves pushed me in from the surface, the river pushed me out to sea from beneath. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to a moment or two of panic induced indecision, but I was almost halfway by my estimation & going back is seldom good advice. By now the water was over my shoulders & over my head with the a few of the waves. I was clinging to the wheel of the bike & straight arming my bag to the sky as I struggled for breath & to grip the sand beneath my feet. Looking back there were several times I should’ve just dropped the bike, or the bag or both, but have you ever been driving whilst enjoying a takeaway Costa & you experience an incident on the road. The reaction of course is to avoid the incident, but I bet most of you will put most of the effort into not spilling the coffee as well, I know I do. Yes there’s a dent to the front wing, but at least I don’t have a lap full of coffee! It was this illogical thought process that kept me clinging to the bike, so I suppose I should conclude it was my need to save the bike that saw me drag it out of the surf the other side before collapsing exhausted on higher ground. Many of you may question what I was thinking, but ……..you don’t know, you weren’t there, you wouldn’t have been able to tell how deep it was just from looking either, so there. ;p

So yes there was a lot more rain than I expected, most of the main roads were closed for a portion of each day whilst mud slides were cleared & the pavements spent many weeks under water. This is nowhere near the amount of rain they have experienced in Peru, where most of the land around Lima has been washed away, taking with it water & sewage pipe work & plunging the city into chaos. To put things into perspective though, lets compare it to the UK. It feels like it rains most of the time at least somewhere in the UK, but it only ranked 72^nd in world rainfall terms last year with a total of just over 1.2m spread over 165 days, or 4 foot in just under half the year. By contrast Ecuador was ranked 22^nd with 2.3m over 30 days, or nearly 8 foot in a month. This equates to 7mm per day in UK, but 76mm in Ecuador, or over 10 times the amount & that’s a lot of water!

All Creatures Great & Small

Im no James Herriot & in fact I don’t particularly like most animals, but I do find them fascinating. The thing with the rain, like with most traditionally hot countries, is that it heralds a new growth & the start of the hatching season. Yes that invariably includes mosquitoes, but it is all the other species that intrigued me the most. First up were the cicadas/grass hoppers, which to me looked more like locusts. The rain brings them out of the ground, but seeming like they’ve all been “roofied”, they stumble around trying to figure out what the hell is happening. Their wings wont work for another few weeks, so first they need to find a place to stay & some pleasant company. The floor isn’t covered with them, but they are absolutely everywhere for a few days, then voom, they vanish. They don’t leave as they cant get far without their wings, but to save them from being picked off by birds etc, they need to find a hidey place to hold up. After a few days of their best Anne Frank impression, they remember they are supposed to mate before they fly off, but without access to Tinder, they must resort to the old “rub my legs together to let her know Im here”. In an all concrete house that acts much like an echo chamber, all you really know for certain is that you are within 30 feet of any number of culprits. Any closer & the one you zeroed in on, stops. I slept outside one night as it was actually quieter….& then they all just stopped. Some are back now & its almost a reassuring sound as they chirp away in the distance, its as summery a sound as lawn mowers & kids playing in the park, but note to self, don’t let them crawl in the house next year!

The moths & butterflies also appear & are often to be seen, wings spread basking in the warmth of the sun before seeming to float away on the breeze like a brightly coloured, oversize hanky.  Ive seen a single frog (sorry mum!), the smallest gecko ever & some of the African killer bees, but I never got close enough to take a photo of them. In all honesty, I dont carry my phone, so most of what I see remains un-captured. All other etymological examples are just some of the things I see flying or crawling around. Some like the huge snail, I literally stumble across……others like the crab clearing out his hole are just fascinating to watch, but he wouldn’t move when I got too close, so the shots don’t give as much detail as Id like to show. In essence the crab has 12hrs to clear out his hole before the tide comes back & floods it. So he balls up the sand, carries it up & out of the hole, rolled a suitable distance away, then broken down & scattered. Rinse, repeat until it all gets wet again, then start over. Why would he do this, day in, day out??

Whilst Im on photos, there are a number of random shots – I finally got a shot of a fishing boat being taken home in a pickup with a lot of labour. It looks like the boat is still in the water with the truck parked in front, but no, its in the truck. What passes for a child’s toy in Colombia (I was visiting a friend in hospital).A shot of the circus that speaks more than any man should ever need to know. A panoramic shot a friend took when the sky was every blue there ever was & other things that speak for themselves.

Come Dancing

I deliberately used the original forerunner to the many dancing shows on TV these days & this BBC classic dating back to the 50’s was all about mirror balls & winceyette, but it was this show that first exposed me to Latin rhythms of Merengue, Rhumba & Saaaalsa.  The public would have no say in the results of Come Dancing for its first 40yrs, but it was the thoughts of voting & swaying bodies that filled my mind as I awaited the start of Mardi Gras here. It followed the General Elections, which came with a country wide, 4 day alcohol ban, prior to voting. Voting here is compulsory, with a $200 dollar fine for a no show, so with the best part of a months wages at risk for most, everyone puts their tick in the box. This time around the two front runners are way out in front of the other eight candidates, but not far enough apart from each other to declare a clear winner. So they will all be going back to the polls after Easter, but this time with only two options, so as far as Im aware, everyone can drink up until they vote.

So they voted on Sunday after not drinking since Thursday. Ban lifted for Monday, Mardi Gras begins Tuesday – I was expecting total carnage! The 4 day, 96hr drink-fest that is the towns Saint day just before Christmas, saw the streets littered with drunk bodies, laying where they fell & lifting the bottle back to their lips before their eyes opened was something to behold. Carnival would be awesome. Or maybe not! There were certainly thousands of people, appearing in their droves. Every side street was full of parked up coaches, there were no rooms at any Inns & every pavement was lined with vendors. The goddamn choo-choo train was back, as was the circus, but neither was tempting. The thing is, there were very few parties. There was almost no hell raising. They came, they sat on the beach & they ate. Montanita was a different story – I ventured once, briefly & that was early in the day. I heard stories, they didn’t sound like my kind of fun & you had to wear sunglasses. Not due to the bright sun, no, that would be obvious. Its because the Ecuadorian equivalent to throwing candy from a parade float, is to squirt you full in the face with foam. Think super-soaker water pistols filled with crazy streamers for the professionals, standard crazy foam for everyone else….& I mean everyone. They hang out of cars & buses, they carry them in the streets – its like the wild west on sticky, violently coloured goop. Apparently there was a neon haze floating between 4 & 8 feet along every street in Montanita  hashtag stayedinallweek hashtag smugface.

Wish You Were Here

(or anything with Judith Chalmers)

Jeff made his annual pilgrimage towards the end of April & if it could be said, it was even better than last year. The sea breeze seems to help considerably in keeping the mozzies down, so things were better from the off. We’ve both grown in the last year & it was great to discuss how we achieved that & what potential remained. We didn’t go out much, but then we never felt like we needed to. I was impressed he joined me for Yoga & spiritualism was an oft referred to subject in our personal progression. A week never seems long enough, but without the distractions of modern city life, we are able to ease our way through the day without the need to rush off elsewhere. It is this relaxed environment that helps both of us to focus on whats important, discard what isn’t & feel better for it.

Jeff has only been gone a week, but in just another short weeks time, my mother will arrive for her first Ecuadorian adventure. Im not sure what her reaction will be, but I hope she loves it. Im really looking forward to showing her around & letting the relaxing vybe give a better sense of how stress free life can be here. I will need to keep her out of the sun – Jeff will testify that a quick 30min walk along the beach will burn you without mercy unless you take precautions – see photo! I cant forecast how much my mother will enjoy it here, but perhaps I can persuade her to contribute her own words to my next update…which may well be published before The Waltons arrive in June 😉 One thing I hadn’t realised, but will hopefully work out well, is that its Easter here next week, so we wont have to go far for fireworks & I know where there will be a lovely church service 😉

Well that just about wraps things up for another episode & I hope you all feel it was worth the wait. In the interest of democracy, I would welcome comment regarding content over frequency & whilst I doubt you would want me to just churn out durge, I do acknowledge the need for consistency. What Im asking then is this; Do I always write every (insert timeframe), even if I dont really have much to say, so will probably just babble, or wait until the inspiration sparks, with or without a master time constraint?

Take care out there & don’t let The Donald get you down, it’ll all be over soon!

Si x