Epilogue

So I began writing this update nearly 6 months ago & have added to it over the Summer, though I never felt it was right to publish until I had something positive to say. In packing up my possessions I have backed up endless data to various hard drives, except that all the supplemental updates have been copied to a drive now in storage, so all that remains accessible is my opening paragraph. To some this may be a good thing as there were times when my outlook was gloomy at best & disturbingly dark at others. I will do my best to recount the feelings as I remember them, but I think we will all be better off with the rosier retrospective I am now seeing things from….

24^th June

I’m not much one for religion, preferring the positivity of belief in oneself over the oppression of a dictatorial deity, but having been in the UK now for just about a month, for reasons I will expand upon later, I have recently turned to the Serenity Prayer for “spiritual” guidance……

To accept the things I cannot change

Brexit, State left.

Aside from being able to enjoy the best bits of Glastonbury from the warmth & comfort of ones Lazyboy, one of the few other benefits of being in the UK this June was being able to cast my vote in the single most important decision for this country in about 30yrs. So in the spirit of those great political orators – Blair, Barack & BoJo, Im not going to tell you how disappointed I am with the British Public. Im not going to discuss or debate with you how the emotive xenophobes were exploited as part of a wider power move. Lets not dwell on the events that got us here, let us focus instead on the good that is going to come from this. The last two weeks have been reminiscent of a Tudor tragedy, with Farage as Henry VIII, Cameron as Anne & Gove as the Other Boleyn Girl. In the absence of competition, let the fruit this tree bears go on to reign free for the next 30yrs, as Teresa May scans the cliff notes & steps up as Elisabeth. I for one will pledge to stand behind you in this time of great change & will promise to empathise in the strongest possible manner, from a distance that is intended to be a very long way away in real terms.

This paragraph is not the place to dissect how much this divorce will cost us in the long term, but let me say this, by fully committing to compensate for the extra cost of exchanging Sterling with Dollars, I will be paying an extra 20% per month in rent for a house I’m not at liberty to even live in. This fiscal measure has only been made possible by the hard work put into taking the short sighted shot at a purer population, free from Democratic Autonomy that has now shredded economical confidence. So let me finish by asking you, the people, if there are fewer migrants permitted entry, who amongst you will buy my house when they cant?!

 

Visa where art thou

To fully understand what has happened here, let me take you back to the beginning.

As you might expect, I did my research. So when I first arrived on a 3 month tourist visa in October, I knew that this period was limited to 90 days “pe anos”. I stayed 10 of the 12 weeks, leaving mid December. When I returned the following March for a further 90 days, I was told I only had two weeks remaining on my visa. My protestations of it being a different year carried little weight as it was explained the information I had read on the Embassy’s website was misleading & my year began on the first day I arrived, regardless of what the calendar may say about the passing of time.

You will recall from previous posts, I spent the time running up to my return flight trying to get my visa extended. A small change in the law that seems less universal & more a vindictive tool, meant I can only extend this visa in my country of origin….hence my hasty return to UK June 1^st.

Of course I accepted the advised 3 week time frame for visa renewal at face value – Duh! In an early conversation with the Embassy I was told they would consult with their superiors for an exception, but don’t expect to get a visa before November. No matter how I tried, including emails from their superiors confirming they were not allowed to do what they were doing, no one would accept my visa application. Naively I believed persistence & concerted effort would produce results. As no reason was given to support their stance, my belief was that it was simply a question of getting them to change their mind – my second mistake!

Thus I spent the summer in fruitless pursuit of answers that would never come, perched on the branch of optimism, adrift in stasis & bobbing in a pool of futility.

 

The Good

I am not so conceited as to think that whilst I was singular in my quest, I was alone in the experience. In times like these I turn to those who’ve had it worse, much worse in most cases, but we all know that it may not feel that way when its happening to you. One such source of inspiration was Helen Keller, who amongst her many quotations, reached me with this:

 “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved”

 Powerful words indeed & far more than my frustrations merited, but they helped me to make something resembling lemonade from a few sour grapes. I got to spend time with my family.

Of course you always take your frustrations out on those closest to you knowing they will absorb it, but knowing that doesn’t give you the time back to spend it more wisely or harmoniously, it simply underlines the regret. It wasn’t all wasted though, I got to spend some rare quality time with my rapidly growing nephew & every second I spent drowning in the eyes of my baby niece filled me with wonder & awe as she already seems to know far more than I ever will & dismisses all my anxieties with a smile that shines a light into my soul.

I also managed to see many of my friends – those I couldn’t get to, came to me – “Be the reason someone smiles today” works both ways & though never long enough, I am smiling in memory of the time we spent together.

The thing is, I never intended to spend so much time in the UK. I most definitely did not want to get dragged back into living the way one has to in order to swim with the flow, so I set about “doing my time”……….& that’s when things began to wobble.

 

The Less Good

I had completed all the outstanding works on my house, I had quotes in place for intended purchases, I had earmarked “stuff”& I had a sequence of events planned leading up to & following visa issuance, but until that happened, I had nothing else to do.

I spent many, many hours appearing outwardly catatonic, mind whirling on the inside. Mostly it was hugely productive & somewhat contrary to my physical inertia. I tweaked designs for my house, mentally built it, and then “virtually” lived in it. Of course there will always be elements I cannot foresee, but I’m pretty happy that I know every light switch & socket will be where I need them, the duct-work will go in before the floor so I can get the cables to them etc etc for each & every aspect. Yes these are the things an architect would normally do, but they work to algorithms for quantity & location, which likely would not match my requirement. So why not cut out the middleman & assume the responsibility. For me its far easier to learn from getting it wrong than to accept I allowed someone else to get it wrong on my behalf.

When you’ve done all that though & you’ve made all the notes, you then start going back over stuff you’ve already covered. That’s ok, you are being thorough & diligent. When you close your eyes & you continue to see the same, already resolved item, over & over again, there’s a little twitch, deep in the corner of an eye. You know what’s coming, it’s the visual equivalent of an ear-worm. A single segment on a torturous loop that wont switch off. Without a pleasant distraction, the negative thoughts seem to be the only ones that can interrupt the loop, but then guess what, that’s now the new loop. Doubts & self recriminations about everything set in – the endless loop of “what if I’d done that differently….?” This feels how madness must begin & I needed to do something before the rocking back n forth became permanent. A lion in a cage doesn’t pace for the exercise. When that is all he knows to do, what else can he do, should the cage ever be opened?

From somewhere in my distant past, music pushed its way forward to extend the hand that lead me back into the light. There’s a song from the early 80’s that’s helped me before, called “This is the Day” by TheThe that begins with the lyrics:

Well… you didn’t wake up this morning,
’cause you didn’t go to bed.
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red!

The calendar on your wall — is ticking — the days off.

 It goes on to the chorus:

This is the day — your life will surely change.
This is the day — when things fall into place.

Which is what got me to……

 

The courage to change the things I can

 

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

 Helen Keller again, this time giving me direction – I consider my purpose worthy, to realise that, action was required & fidelity was assured if I gave myself no other option.

It was going well, I had a buyer for my house, my plans had been redrawn – life & house. Orders ready, including shipping container, local storage, a kitchen, bi-fold doors & all glazing for my house…basically everything I think I will need that I cant get or do without in Ecuador. Im pleased many items initially on the list got moved to the ‘do without’ pile – the new minimalist me! Hahaha!!

All I still needed was the visa & I upped my pestering level. Once issued, I was going to be on a plane in the shortest time possible – everything else can be done remotely & dealt with further down the line. It was very liberating to accept that there are aspects of this plan that don’t all have to be in place for it to begin. Somehow Id forgotten it had begun a long time ago & has been evolving ever since. This is just the next part, so why wait, get on with it. And then the Embassy said yes……….

 

The wisdom to know the difference

 

I was invited into the Embassy on Monday at midday. Well I say Embassy, it was actually the Consulate & where the first is just along from Harrods in Knightbridge, the latter is little more than a processing plant around the corner from Kings Cross Rail Station. Far enough around the corner so as to not have benefitted from the recent gentrification, thus unsurprisingly, not the one where Julian Assange  resides.

At just after twelve on Monday, I sat across the desk from the Consular as he asked how he may help.

“HOW CAN YOU HELP ME?! YOU CAN START BY TELLING ME, WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K, THE PROBLEM IS AND WHEN I CAN RETURN TO ECUADOR!!!”

“There is no problem, but first you must submit an application”

Ok, so I hadn’t shouted, I hadn’t sworn. Though I can’t vouch for the parts of me the fake smile hadn’t reached, I was focused but very pleasant.

“I have all the necessary paperwork with me, as well as passport photos – couldn’t I submit my application now?”

“no no, we must first make an appointment”.

Breathe, breathe, smile. “ok, when is your earliest available appointment?”.

“tomorrow at midday we can do all that you need”.

The realisation that they have made an appointment to make an appointment, incurring me cost, causing me to suffer the rail & tube network, just because they can, actually makes me smile for real this time. I understood it, hell, I’d have probably acted similarly, but newly discovered wisdom allowed me to overlook it & see the bigger picture. Surrender to their tiny victories, take home my prize J

So it was, 24hrs & 20mins later I was the proud holder of a six month extended visa, the precursor stage to residency visa application. A couple of weeks to finalise the property sale & Ginger would be reaching for the chocks!

Of course, in my rush to obtain the visa, I’d left the lid off the ointment & flies were gathering. Early clues, previously discounted, were now past warning signs & my house buyer ultimately pulled out of the deal.  This completely scuppered all of my “phase 2”. Having made the decision to liquidate my assets, my new plan was built on the resulting cash-flow that had just evaporated.

Timings are restricted for phase 2 – only 5 months remaining on my visa now, residency takes 2 – 3 months to process, though “valid” once all paperwork submitted. Importation of a single container of ones worldly goods & chattels is duty free, providing it arrives within 6 months of the issue of residency visa. By Ecuadorians standards, that’s a tight schedule, but without knowing when the house would sell again…or by how much I may have to reduce it too, I was uncertain our timings would synchronise. I’d had over 60 viewings – to a person they loved the house but couldn’t park, so wouldn’t buy.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t teeter on the edge of darkness once again, but Id had my fill of wallowing & this just needed a good kick to restart it. So I booked my flight there n then, let the rest fall where it may!

Id given myself 2 weeks to pack up & get the hell outta Dodge – during that time I knew it wasn’t long enough, but with twice the time, I’d have still felt the same way. Yes there were a few tough choices that had to be made, but it all got done & I got on the plane.

Out of the blue, I also accepted an offer on my house, the morning before I got on the plane.

Now Im not sure where I stand on fate, luck or perhaps a version of karma, but there is definitely something! They say you make your own luck, karma is payback, be that good or bad for the person you are, but fate is pre-destined, so inevitable no matter what. We can’t know the result before the act, so we have to have faith in the outcome. We aren’t talking George Michael faith here, or David Ike’s little green overlords for that matter. This is simply a commitment to an idea; the unwavering pursuit of an ideal. With each measure of progress, we gain a little more happiness. Each set back is an opportunity to revise the plan. The closer we get, the happier we can be, until the day we realise, we want for nothing more.

Could it be that the actions of buying my ticket, clearing the house & packing my case had set a butterfly in motion? Were my efforts rewarded, were they even worthy given there’s more than a smidge of personal gratification involved? There may be an answer further down my line, but for now I need only celebrate the changing in my fortunes.

Prologue

I landed safely back in Ecuador a few days ago. Its not been all plain sailing, but it feels that way. Im still a little foggy & stiff from travelling, but I feel myself waking up again. There’s a lot that’s happened, but I will leave that for the next update due shortly.

Its slightly ironic that this post should have belief at its core given we are fast approaching Christmas, a period I’d rather didn’t exist & generally don’t enjoy. This year, even though I am away from family & friends, I feel like celebrating it for my own reasons. This Christmas I am born again & my faith in me will be everlasting. I don’t need to be told how to do that from a ghost written tome. I don’t need the rules handed out on post-it notes by a modern day Moses or to justify my actions through interpretation of someone else’s idea. I need to be me. I need you to be you & we shall be happy.

So without getting all Evangelical…my brothers & sisters, if you come to realise you are doing something that doesn’t make you happy, work out what does & find a way to make that your reality.

 There are no photos to share regarding my time back in the UK, but as some of you have asked, Ive included my house plans & a mock up for the kitchen. Im not sure if the .pdf’s will display & may need to be downloaded. Pay no attention to the furniture, placed only for room definition, but it should give you some idea of where you could be staying by this time next year…..

 

Si x

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