Hey Everybody 🙂

Welcome back to another tale of Livin La Vida Loca here at El Casita Paradiso

Kicking things off with gratitude, Id like to thank all the people that have taken time out to post a comment on the blog page, sent a personal email, or delivered a review in person (thanks Jeff 🙂 ) more on that visit later……They are all very much appreciated!

Id also like to apologise for the length of time since the last episode – I felt kind of low after Jeff left, not exactly the blues, though of course there was an element of physical recovery ;). This though was more akin to culture shock & something of reverse home-sickness – let me explain:

 

Frustration

Part of my disillusionment with the UK were the social stresses associated with “success”; income, status etc versus the inevitability of never attaining “acceptable” levels of any of them, whilst driving oneself into an early grave in their pursuit. Here in Ecuador the trend is far more focused on “the moment”. Of course there are downsides to that model, but they become less relevant if not compared to the alternative. Jeff & I enjoyed some wonderful deep n meaningfuls, with many of them revolving around best practices & sage advice, all of which were engaging & informative. The problem though is that without realising, I began to start thinking like a Gringo. Everywhere I looked I saw sub-standard, ineptitude & inability, underpinned with the lack of vision or energy to change. I didn’t enjoy feeling this way & it lead me down a dark & winding path, questioning my own decisions.

Fortunately, there are so many wonderful things about this place that the context of the comparison at first became blurry & then receded so far back as to no longer be of consequence. It turns out I may be many things, but I am not suited to the city & not as much of a capitalist as I once thought. I recognise the need, so have loosely planned the future, however, its realisation will not be at the expense of the here & now. The destination becomes far less important when the journey is so rewarding!

As you might imagine, trying to write with so much noise in my head was not something I felt I could do justice to & humour was beyond my reach.

So once again, much like British Rail, I apologise for the delay & will attend to all claims for compensation first thing Mañana J

 

Snakes and Ladders

So in addition to having something of an introspective couple of weeks, Ive also been trying to get things moving on a couple of other fronts, most notably my property, but also my illegal immigrant status. As the sub-headings suggest, it has been something of a game, with me taking a few steps forward & then landing back on my ass wondering where it had gone wrong. As in the first paragraph, the issue was all in the perception & my expectation of what should be “normal”.

Armed with my freshly typed property deeds, I set about getting my land re-valued. There is a minimum investment amount of $25k to qualify for a residential investment visa & I paid somewhat less for my land. So the process involves getting the county appointed architect to certify a revised valuation based on pertinent new information – in principle this is nuts & open to flagrant abuse, of which, in testament to, I am now very guilty – I presented my papers, he asked what value I needed & why, I told him $25k & because I want a visa & he said probably will be ok, but needed more info. He didn’t need to see photos, or the plans for my proposed house. The price my neighbours had paid was also of little interest, however, the fact that the road leading to my property was now finished with tarmac was all he needed to satisfy the requirement. Of course I did consider telling him that the road had been finished before I bought my place, but I didn’t want him to feel like I was trying to do his job, so I didn’t. Omission isn’t lying; Omission isn’t lying; Omission isn’t lying; Omission isn’t lying!

 

Buckeroo

That was that then, a request & a satisfactory result, perfect! Of course, this is Ecuador & the process described above took nearly 3 weeks & seven daily trips to St Elena to see any number of different personnel & hand them a copy of my paperwork which was a uniquely challenging process…….

Hand paperwork to person #1 who scans it into the system, then prints out a copy for me to take to person #2, however, before person #2 can accept, I have to pay a fee. Go to assessment counter (next to person #4) who considers paperwork by staring & scratching ass before writing $2 on a scrap of paper. Take scrap of paper to payments (next to assessments). Usually there are two people in payments, one to take the money & one to stamp the receipt – one would think that either one of them could cover for the other for toilet breaks, lunch etc, but no, training is on a task by task basis & if you don’t know the correct order of stamp to pad to paper, the whole system falls apart, so with only the money taker present, I couldn’t pay until the receipt stamper returned. Down a snake!

The following day, with the stamper back at work, I was all set to blitz through the remaining formalities, or so I thought. Turns out person #3 is in an office down the street, so after person #2 repeating the scan & print operation, I set off in search of office person #3. Returning to the first office with more than sheepish embarrassment, I explained “just down the road on the right” hadn’t been enough for me to find office two, but rather than shrug & feign indifference, person #2 took me by the hand & led me down the road & didn’t let go until I was in front of #3, who unusually, spoke pretty good English. Whilst I waited for her to scan & print a 3^rd time I took the opportunity to ask why it wasn’t possible to scan once & email, “oh its good for photos & memos, but we need to be sure it has arrived with the other person & scanning it each time proves that & of course, you need to have a receipt from each person to prove they’ve done their bit!”, cant argue with that logic! 😉

 

Kaplunk

I got a call on Wednesday to tell me the paperwork was finished & I could collect it on Friday.  When asking by what time, they suggested Saturday might be better. Familiar with the scenario now, I asked if Monday would in fact be better still. Yes, much better, see you Monday. Unbeknownst to me & I hope to her, they would turn out to be closed on Monday, but at least I got a 3hr bus ride for nothing out of it!

Finally though, my land is now officially worth the minimum requirement, at a total administrative cost of $6 & my visa application is in progress. Unfortunately the remainder is fraught with similar challenges, so I am likely to have to rely on an official letter confirming my application rather than the full document, but I am told not to worry & it will all be fine…. Up the ladder we go!

Having undertaken similar experiences with other governmental offices, I now have a grand total of……permit to build, a cabinet in which to install electricity & a water pipe to site. I have also engaged a local “builder” to construct a site office/tool shed as well as plant my perimeter with a local flowering version of a privet hedge. Whilst on site he will liaise with the meter installers for both electricity & water, which should be live within the next two weeks…. So far up the ladder there’s not a snake in sight.

 

Monopoly

For the more complex bureaucracy I have the benefit of an Iranian friend (Hessam or ‘Sammy’) whose Spanish is better than mine. The downside to this of course is that we are perceived as two gringos – not too big a deal until you get to the discussion of money. A building permit should cost around $150 so I am told, but you don’t really need one unless they ask, apparently. Whilst Im not averse to traversing legality, I felt it appropriate that I did things properly, at least the first time & of course, when I am doing this for others, I see no value in leaving oneself potentially vulnerable. So off we went to the permit office. We chatted, they were impressed with my intent, they were amazed I had technical drawings, though they didn’t quite grasp some of the methodology. After some discussion between themselves, they decided on $20 pm2 plus $50 admin. Given my footprint is 150m2 (they don’t count each floor), $350 should cover it says the manager. We of course had to challenge this as they weren’t referring to any formal scale of charges, so the manager & his boss, as well as myself & Sammy squeezed into a cab & set off to inspect the land in order to arrive at a more accurate costing……

 

“it’s a big plot, it will be $100 at least just for permission to build a wall around it Senor”

“No wall, Im planting a hedge”

“oh”. “well you will no doubt be building 3 or 4 floors, so this will be expensive”

“ground & first only, though potentially a roof deck”

“a roof deck you say….?”

“well no, not really, probably just for water storage tank”

“oh, ok, well………. how much do you wish to pay?”

“I am told $150 is normal!”

“yes, but that’s for small house, 6 month projects”

“ok, heres $150 for 6 months & heres $50 between you & your boss in case Im not finished & you need to extend the permit beyond December.

“here is your permit Senor, good luck & come back to see us if you need anything else”

 

Game of Life

Now that I am starting to get work done & services installed I am having to pay out money & here that is a very literal term, with cash being king, queen & the royal baby. You will recall last time I was getting my grass cut, well I paid the required $30 into the gentleman’s account & gave him a week. Wanting to show off my land whilst Jeff was here, we took a drive only to find it was still a jungle. So two weeks with no change I eventually get him on the phone & was told he was waiting for me to pay. Naturally I said Id paid the very next day as agreed, but he asked how he was supposed to know that as he wasn’t going to make a 3hr bus ride to the bank in order to check that Id done as promised. Fortunately on a whim Id kept the pay-in receipt so was able to whatsapp him a photo of the receipt & the grass was cut the next day, but money transfers are not the norm here & people expect to get paid at the end of each week in cash, which on a cashpoint limit of $300 per day means a lot of trips into town.

So when Im not hovering at the cashpoint, I have to manage my outgoings carefully so I don’t run out of “folding”. Luckily expenses seem low, but I had to confirm that feeling, so at the risk of pissing you all off, my “exes” look like this:

 

• Groceries – approx $10 pw incl fruit, milk, eggs etc unless I buy bacon @ $6
• Eating out 3 @ $3, 1 @ $5 & 1 @ $10 as a special weekly treat J
• Combined electricity, water, rubbish, council tax etc $22 per month
• Haircut incl body shave $3
• Yoga @ $5 per 90min sesh
• Cigs @ $3.50
• Buses, taxis, occasional beer $10 pw
• Proppa coffee @ $2 a day

 

So in summary, without consciously skimping, Im barely spending $100 a week, thus had previously only gone to the cash point once a month…oh how that will change!

 

Trivial Pursuit

My lovely best friend took the time out & came to visit. It was great to see him & as always he was very generous, however, in spite of planning our week, it didn’t all go according to expectation. In case I haven’t covered it before, there isn’t much to do here in Olon. Yes there is usually more in Montanita, but the aftermath of the earthquake has had a very damaging affect on tourism, both foreign & domestic. This has meant that many places have gone out of business, or just closed awaiting a recovery, with those still open, barely doing so during the week & barely busy at weekends. We’d hired a truck, so we took a few trips up n down the coast, but there really isn’t much difference from one beach town to the next & it turns out, Jeff doesn’t like the beach (30yr friendship & who knew?!) So we went to the bar a few times, but what does one do when THE bar isn’t open??!! The upside of course is that we got to spend time & talk. In fact we talked like we never have before & it was great. Id like to think at least some of this was down to me – in my old life I liked to argue & that’s not conducive to good conversation. We also got to open up emotionally & this was beneficial for us both

 

Scalextric

So to celebrate the week we set off in the truck for Cuenca, a beautiful jewel high in the mountains about an 8hr drive inland. It boasts the largest concentration of ex-pats, has some of the best medical care in Ecuador & by my estimation, has at least 1 cathedral for every 10 people. Unfortunately, having spent 8hrs in the truck we were barely half way to our destination when common sense prevailed & we could no longer ignore the mechanical elephant under the bonnet. Im pretty sure it was a fuel problem, either water in it or just poor quality, but we could barely maintain 25kph by this point & did not fancy the idea of sleeping by the roadside, especially not half way up a mountain! So we turned around, headed back to Guayaquil & Jeff treated us to dinner & a luxury hotel night – oh how I wish Id packed my LBD.  I will include a picture of Cuenca, please use your imagination to fill in me & Jeff standing in the foreground.

I felt extra bad as it also turns out that Jeff is catnip for mosquitoes. Now Im aware they exist of course & occasionally I get a tingle when they bite, but its barely noticeable. Poor Jeff looked like he’d gone down with measles & chicken pox all at the same time, with no amount of repellent or soothing ointment making any difference. I cant imagine how uncomfortable that must’ve been & I can only admire his perseverance when sitting outside….though even inside with several plug in devices they still found him. In his own words Jeff has some handy hints, tips n tricks which Ive included below for all of you to consider before you rush to buy tickets 😉

 

A trip that’s definitely worth making (full stop).  But manage expectations upfront if you’re looking for an action packed, crazy trip.  It’s fantastic to see Si, and see how relaxed, comfortable, easy going, increasingly self-aware, entertaining and hugely hospitable he is in his new environment (not saying he wasn’t before!)  In spite of Si’s very comfortable rental and the beautiful scenery, the area of Ecuador he lives in has very basic creature comforts (no nail salons… well one that pretends to be a nail salon), basic amenities, and limited venues for entertainment (but still the same types of entertainment … restaurants, bars, and a club etc).  The people are welcoming and easy going, and interested in where you come from and what you have to say…

• If you’re looking to kick back, reflect, chill with Si, ‘chew the fat’, talk rubbish and just relax then this is definitely the pace… just pack light, don’t over think what to wear as the residents have two styles of outfits… very casual and incredibly casual.. no need to pack anything more that shorts and t-shirts
• If your adventurous then travelling is definitely an option but would recommend splitting the trip between chill time with Si at the beach and travel time exploring other parts of Ecuador
• Guayaquil is worth an overnight stay but only on the night before you depart …
• The mosquitos ate me alive… Si and friends zero bites… me … too many to count (did they itch … ugh)
• Try to get a direct flight to Guayaquil and skip the overnight at Quito…
• But definitely go… I’ll be going back early next year (if not sooner) J

 

Pop Quiz

Ive been touting my DJ skills to a local club owner, who loves my music & is very keen for me to play there. The problem was that I couldn’t get him to commit to a date & time beyond “anytime you want, just come & play”. This of course was too vague for me to action, but then a friend announced it was her birthday soon. A few suggestions here & there & next thing you know, Im playing the birthday party 😉 I caused some confusion, insisting on doing a sound check a few days before the event, not least of which because I refused to play if it was distorting. Ecuadorian speakers have two settings, off & ear bleeding. As it transpired, the owner offered me the Friday night residency which we will launch 1^st July. To be fair even the birthday party wasn’t very busy, but the music went down very well, with the only complaint being “I keep trying to sit down, but my ass wont let me”, Im ok with that 🙂 It’s the same venue that had the “beauty pageant”, its got a great vybe, loads of space & a pool, so Im definitely looking forward to building the Friday nights. His offer is to split the profit 50/50, so whilst I doubt I will clear the cab fare home for a while, its important to me to be involved in resurrecting what is now, my community, so the money is only secondary. There are no other venues that play real music, so if nothing else, I get to go out, have a good time & enjoy playing the music I love. The challenge here being its 8pm to 6am & I don’t know where Im going to find another 3 dj’s with complimentary music – anyone say VB/Pressure Radio roadtrip?? 😉

Ive included a video link for anyone that’s interested in seeing how the club was last year. If you fancy having a listen, then you can download the set at www.sisutton.podomatic.com

 

 

Cluedo

So its taken me a little while to really work out, but I love it here! Sure there are a few things Id probably change, but where aren’t there?! I bustle around doing bits n pieces & then I stop & catch myself looking at the beach, or in-country or simply sitting under palm fronds enjoying a beer (or fruit) & as Im processing how lovely/beautiful/amazing something is, I realise I LIVE HERE! It actually still doesn’t quite feel real. I had fantasies growing up, then they became dreams & even though I felt I was working hard to achieve them, deep down I doubted they would become more than just pipe dreams & ultimately, probably no more than wishful thinking. Yes Ive settled into a form of normality, gone is the “holiday” mentality of making the absolute most of 14 nights followed by another 14 days of misery at being back home. No its not Vegas, the Maldives or even the Cotswolds, its better than all of them because now its home & home is where my heart sings.

Wherever that place is for you, I truly hope you find it for yourself!

 

Hungry Crabs

Now I know I bang on about the beach being close, but check the photo below of a crab that wandered in to say hello 🙂 Ive also included a few shots a friend took of me as the sun was setting. It was around 6.15, so the tide had been on its way out for a few hours I think, but Im not really sure as they vary each day – In case anyone didn’t know, unlike the Med, the Pacific tide is around 2.5m & is affected by both the earths gravitational spin & the moons orbit. The spin takes 24hrs, but the moon takes closer to 25hrs, so over the course of a month, they gradually fall out of sync meaning day 1, tide in at 0.600, out at 18.00. By day 15, that tides in at midday & out at midnight, but as I cant tell just by looking at it & seldom know what day it is, I either get wet lying on the beach or I don’t 🙂

 

Jenga

Following some critique by you guys, I will begin experimenting with this blog. I am reading Aristotle’s Rhetoric & some books on creative writing, so will begin trying a few things out. One of those may be to shorten each post, but in order to do that, I should post more regularly, which as it’s a new artistic venture for me, is unlikely to coincide with me wanting to write. Clearly this edition hasn’t been one of the abridged versions & to be honest, Im not sure I see the problem with reading over a few visits – that’s usually how one would read a book after all?! I do of course acknowledge time considerations, ADD & maybe even boredom, but when the mood takes me, I like to write & I will continue to do so, even when I’ve run out of fact & have to resort to using my imagination!

So Im hoping the use of sub-headings will aid you in breaking it down into manageable chunks, but please feel free to offer any constructive writing hax (sic) 😉

 

Game Over

So that’s about it for now & probably for a little while too. I return briefly to the UK from 2^nd June, probably for 3wks as I need to sort a few things out & reassess the possessions I have left. It would be great to catch up with as many of you as possible, but of course realise that for many its just not doable. In any event, all your efforts are appreciated & we will make the most of whatever time we have.

I have included just a few photos – I was hoping Jeff would send one of his legs, but Im sure you don’t need to see that level of suffering. Theres also a new shot of my freshly cleared land J I have included links to a 4 part amateur documentary on Montanita (as I remember it from last year) & look forward to its glorious return

Until next time then, take care of yourselves & hopefully see some of you soon

Si x

Press start now to begin new game……

HolaOla (club)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcIw_Dq4UL0

Montanita Part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyqqLYJy-Z4

Montanita Part 1 Part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2BetpeuyUw

Montanita Part 1 Part 3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiYLpbLOw4w

Montanita Part 1 Part 4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTKOpdenNjM