Big Day? Must Be Festival Season!

In the middle of the wettest dry season ever, the weather over the last two weeks has been at the very least, fair. Several days have actually been blazingly sunny. So it was with reasoned calm I sat down to supper on Sunday night, still both a little nervous & a little excited about tomorrow’s concrete pour. With everything planned & in place, all indications were it would flow smoothly.

Before we had begun, what it did was rain, rain heavily & it absolutely Did. Not. Stop.

We have progressed well on site since my last post. With the septic completed & its roof cured, we have built a temporary office & a site toilet over the top. The guys think Im crazy – if you build it, live in it or rent it out – why would you build it, only to knock it down later?! Ive tried to explain the principles of site amenities & making ones life easier/better whilst at work. They get the benefit of not having to squat in the undergrowth, as well as having somewhere secure to keep plans/tools & to be able to change from travelling to work clothes. On this last point, the labourer wears trainers to work, but changes into flip flops when he arrives as trainers are expensive here & he doesn’t want to get them dirty. They also understand the benefit of their wellingtons being warm & dry when it starts to rain & you need them. What confuses them is why I don’t want to look at it when it will become part of my garden vista – el loco Britanico 😉 In my defence, it was only a couple of hundred on materials & the same for labour, which is less than the cost of an average garden shed in UK, but I completely get why they would want to keep something they’d spent a months wages on. Continuing this theme, I see it as something of a challenge to demonstrate the benefits of working smarter – where it initially may seem more expensive, its faster, easier & will last longer. This of course is in direct contrast to their need for economy & the longer it takes, the longer their earning period, also future work is ensured when it has to be rebuilt in a few years, or at the very least, repaired. Ongoing yearly maintenance is a necessity here due to the corrosive nature of living by the sea, so it seems like their expectation is for that principle to apply to everything & as they live in the moment, they’ll address it when it happens.

I designed it & let them build it how they wanted. As they usually build in between columns here, corners dont come naturally to them, but the end result is plenty good enough.

Whilst all this constructing was taking place, I busied myself for the next stage, which was to concrete the foundations – quite literally what the house will be built on, they need to exceed tall order, be stout of body & of immovable temperament. To ensure my concrete would be mixed to the appropriate ratios & would be consistent from first shovel to last, I opted for the path less travelled. Less travelled is a bit of an understatement actually, NO ONE uses pre-mix concrete along this part of the coast for house building. In part this is because the plant is 1 ½ hrs away, but also the upfront cost. Their methodology has adjusted to suit these conditions, so they construct concrete in a series of small sections – in essence, however much a man can do manually in a day, multiplied by the number of guys you have on site. In this way they form the mould of wood before lunch, then mix & pour the concrete after lunch. Next day they move on to the next section. This also allows them to reuse the shuttering each time instead of having to buy lots of it upfront & then storing it or transferring to the next job. This means their progress is more rewarding/motivating visually on a daily basis, though overall the work is slower, less consistent, but with very low overheads & very manageable on a daily basis. Other than the structural benefits of everything being poured as one, the interesting thing for me here is that they offer timescale quotations based on what they know they can do on a daily, basis multiplied by the size of the building. Whereas ‘our’ approach tends to be more “completion must be by X date, how many personnel do you need to achieve that?” There’s clearly far less stress involved, but little in the way of expectation delivery, which as L O Annie says, is always a day away…. “Yo Te Amo Manana, Yo Te Amo Manana, Tu Eres Siempre, una dias mas…..”

Spending time in the country, Im seeing a lot more possums. I dont think these two were playing…..

I had the concrete representatives revisit site, we made allowances for low hanging cables & trees along the route from the city to my site. We agreed the process – they were very knowledgeable & professional – everything I spoke of, they had experience of, so any concerns I’d had previously were assuaged & now it was just a question of when. Not unlike setting up any credit account, businesses tend not to automatically trust you, so I had to pay upfront. This simple & straight forward process was made infuriatingly difficult by my own bank. I don’t receive the text security codes, so I cant use online international banking except by phone from the old phone booth in town. Having made the call to set up the transfer & waited for the follow up security call the next day, I got confirmation the money would be sent. It was however not sent, or rather was immediately re-credited & no explanation aside from “unexpected anomaly” has been given. This meant the concrete plant didn’t get my money, so the pour couldn’t go ahead & I was beginning to look flaky. Really wanting the support of the Salvation Army Choir behind me, I launched into a few verses of “we shall not be overcome” & tried to think of a solution. My only vaguely workable solution was for my mother to make the transfer on my behalf (thanks mum!). I then made another call to then my mother set up as a payee on my account – simple right?! Well it would’ve been, but as soon as I tried to transfer the money back to her online when I got home, the bank suspended my account because of “suspicious activity”. Now I am sure I am not alone in this world of sons that have been given far more over the years than they have ever paid back, but was this really so “suspicious”?!! All I can say for sure is that a certain Northern Spanish Bank will be loosing a customer as soon as I can get back to the UK, no matter how much I enjoy Jesse in their adverts.

So it was, I awoke at 5am on the morning of Monday 21^st August, 10 tense days after Id originally planned for concrete & 18,992 fabulous days after I was originally born – it was my 52^nd birthday. I’ve celebrated in many different ways over the years, but this was the very first time I was ever pouring concrete for my own self build home. Should I have done this sooner, when I was younger & had more energy? No, I have all the energy I need right now & if Id been ready sooner, known what Id wanted sooner, then Id have done it sooner, but would probably have missed out on learning & discovering all the things that made doing this now, possible. Stick that in your paradigm paradox & smoke it 😉

Maybe the rain would have eased off over night…….. of course it hadn’t & there followed a few anxious phone calls as to whether we could proceed. Luckily, as long as it’s not finished concrete where the surface is polished, rain makes little difference to pouring, but we had real concerns as to whether we could get the pump & trucks where they needed to be. Luckily Id bought in some fill material a couple of weeks ago to repair the lower road – they said I was crazy & nobody else cared as they expected the roads to get torn up & super muddy. I displayed my considerate constructor medal & repaired it anyway ……… without having done that, we’d’ve been screwed. In this case, screwed would be owning lots of concrete with no way of putting it where you need it, but not allowed to send it back where it came from. Once it leaves the plant, its yours.

The difference dry & compacted road fill makes to water sodden mud….at $8 per tonne, it paid for itself over & over that day….

It was by no means easy, everywhere was very muddy & very, very sticky, so movement was not pretty, but my plan was sound & once in place, we didn’t need to move around too much. The trucks kept coming as scheduled & we finished up around 3pm having delivered 37 tonnes in the ground with only two men….& they said I was loco 🙂

Everything now is coming up out of the ground & will start with the assembly of the supporting columns. It was my intention to buy these in pre-made, but the supplier guesses it will be at least two weeks because I want thicker bar than they usually use. I have little else to do onsite before or without these columns & my guys have no other option of work. I don’t want to lose my guys & whilst I don’t intend to support them completely if there’s no work, they can sit on site assembling these steel cages themselves & we’ll be at the same point in two weeks time. The cost is the same, but I have to bring in a welder to spot them which would normally be done at time of manufacture. However, whilst the welder is on site, he can weld them into place, so I get a better, stronger job for only $30 more. In addition, Jeff arrives back at the end of this week, so it suits me to have a steady week with minimal supervision required on site – back up plan works out in the end 🙂

I hope to be back here in two or three weeks to let you all know the columns are up & the basement floor has been poured, which whilst slow by UK standards, feels like fantastic progress for me. My landlord asked if I was sure I would be surrendering my lease 15^th December, as people are already enquiring. I gulped! That’s three & half months away, which is a long time & Im sure I can get a lot done, but to be ready to move in….??? I lived in my last house as a building site for far too long & I don’t intend to get caught in that trap again. There are though many aspects of the house that I see as projects to occupy my days to come, so it doesn’t have to be at inspection level readiness……

I held a board meeting last night & both sitting member cats voted unanimously in favour of Operation Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, but they weren’t over impressed with the name. We agreed that as long as the house was weather tight, the kitchen was functional, my bedroom & en-suite fully operational, then I would move in. Im likely to have to make the call on that end of October, but for now, confidence is high, all systems holding steady at DefCon 5.

The other significant event on that Monday was the final delivery of my glazing to the container port. What they actually managed was an email confirming they had meant delivery week commencing 21^st & the real delivery would be taking place Friday. To be fair, expectations weren’t high, so we weren’t very surprised, just a little more disappointed if that were even possible. The shippers understood & have tentatively booked me to sail w/c 28^th Aug. I needed to get a wiggle on with the container!

Sometimes…..even on a cloudy day its still captivating

As I said last time, Ive got a container sorted, but it has to come 3hrs from Guayaquil, so on top of the $1500 to buy it, its another $500 to get it to me & its another $500 for a crane to come & offload it. Of course I can sell it when Im done & should get my money back & the buyer will pay transport etc, but $2500 feels like a lot to lay out & I could end up with an expensive container sitting in my drive until someone else wants one. I also have strong reservations about the crane being able to get  where I needed it……so I put the feelers out 😉 Turns out Ol’ Bob has a container with just a few bits of crap stacked at the back, but he’s built a stand off roof over the whole thing to protect it from heat as well as rain, this makes it a challenge to move. So after a bit of back n forth on what was involved, we agreed I could rent it & move it….or just rent it.  In an unending turn of positive events, all the roads leading to Bobs are solid & on the flat, so little issue for a large lorry. It was a no brainer. So like two men of old, we spat & shook on a deal whereby I get free use of his container if I help him renew the roof to his extension, or $100 a month rental, whichever worked best for us month to month. All pretty much perfect except Bob doesn’t exactly live next door. On the one hand it will stop me unpacking stuff before its needed, but I will still need to make a number of trips to & fro…….I needed to upgrade my transport to a truck!

Generally most people from the coast, when buying a car, will head up into the mountains of Cuenca. There the vehicles aren’t subjected to the salt air, so are largely corrosion free. I don’t really have the time to go to Cuenca at the moment & even though my Spanish is getting me understood, Im not proficient enough to go 2^nd hand car shopping on my own. This means Id have to treat someone to come with me & translate – fun, but an unnecessary expense right now. So as luck would have it, a battered old Chevy Blazer turned up on a side street in Olon with a for sale sign on it. I think Ive said, Ive made a loose agreement with myself that if I can make a cheap runabout do the job until the house is finished & if I can bring that house in on time & under budget, then I may be able to treat myself to a newer, more comfy version next year. For now tho, I want this Blazer!

As instructed I texted the advertised number & got a vague response a day later. We continued the exchange & finally, five days later we finally get it together & meet at the vehicle. We both saw the irony in us having texted in Spanish when he is from Colorado, but it felt right somehow. He wants $4000 for it. Ive offered him $1500 if he can get it matriculated as I intend to be legal. He didn’t formally accept, so I imagine there is some negotiation still to do, but he is currently confirming he can get it matriculated – it’s a combination document that acts as registered owner, road tax & MOT, so whilst lights n stuff are an easy fix, if a previous owner has incurred a fine on the vehicle, it must be paid by that previous owner in person before it can change hands – as you might imagine, this is not always easy to resolve. I do however hope to be an all wheeler by my next update 🙂

As I mentioned costs, Im at the point where I can start filling in a few blanks, so if you are interested, here’s a cost snapshot of known costs & quantities. Those costs shown in sterling were pre-Brexit – given the poor state of exchange these days, the costs shown in $’s can be treated as £’s

So the challenge to myself….& I guess now also with you guys, is:  Can I move in for Christmas & bring it in under $100,000.00? Watch this space!! 🙂

Time Keeps on Slippin’

Once again its been a while since my last submission, but not so long a few hail mary’s couldn’t set things straight. No apologies this time, I just had little of any interest to write about & with what felt like perpetual rain, motivation to write was minimal. Unfortunately I also aggravated an old neck injury, twisting to look at traffic whilst getting on my bike. I haven’t done any yoga for six weeks & whilst I tried a number of times, I couldn’t sit at a table to type. Fortunately Yin balances Yang, which lead me to finding a great osteopath in Olon & after a trip to Sanata Elena for an x-ray ($25), it turns out Ive had two herniated disks in my neck for quite some time. Treatment has been slow & painful, but I hope to be back on the mat in the next week or so. On a positive note though, the last few weeks have seen a few developments with everything else, so sit back, get comfy & let me bring you up to date……

Its been getting colder, so a blanket going on the bed met with universal approval.

You will remember that having finally obtained my residential visa, the remaining goals were the arrival of my container & starting the house build. I knew from the experience gained during the visa application, I would have to focus on each of these next tasks individually if I were to have any chance of making them happen in the way I wanted. I’ve learnt over the last 6 months, that multi-tasking here is a failure waiting to happen, so I needed to focus on them one at a time. I needed to keep in mind that whatever else the construction phase may turn out to be, it will be time consuming & requiring my full attention. I will have little opportunity to leave the guys to work on their own & without wifi on site, it was clear I needed to get the shipping organised & underway before getting too involved in the build. Obviously, before a container can arrive at its end, it must first leave where it starts. Its leaving from the UK, so this should be the easy bit & pretty straight forward….. right? Ha!

The way it should work, is confirm one thing, move on to the next, confident the first will be completed as per confirmation; essentially a do & forget, allowing you to juggle multiple tasks by continually clearing the to-do list & not having to revisit. Expanding this principle into project management & you set dates by these confirmed tasks, using them to schedule following tasks, ideally resulting in seamless coordination. This is what I did for a living & I was pretty good at it.

Colour change starting with the tail, this lizard appears to emerge from the mat….

First up then is the container. These are restricted to a 6 month entry window, beginning from my visa issue, to bring in my worldly goods tax free, so the clock was ticking. Im not a fool, so I mostly arranged everything I wanted to go into the container before I left UK. In most instances I also developed the order such that a simple email instruction & payment would kick start the process whenever I was ready. This was the UK after all & since the demise of manufacturing, our service industry has been hailed, or at least purports to be, excellent at every level. To be fair, for most of the suppliers it went as expected. Magnet Kitchens were exceptional, as were a number of traders on ebay. The star was Stevie Richards, who owned the role of personal shopper & haulier for all things “ Man Cave “. Special mention for my mother providing local storage, haulage & coordination x. Things only began to unravel with the windows. Their original quote was a 2 week delivery. Naturally I allowed 4 to schedule all other deliveries to arrive at the docks for packing & loading. The shippers offer a 10 day window to receive & store free of charge, in addition to them collecting everything I had placed in storage before I left. It seemed reasonable to set 7^th July as the target date. This was beginning of June & I felt confident for a mid July sailing. Doh!

Ill skip all the back & forth exchanges, but it turns out the window manufacturers didn’t have the required materials when they accepted my order & appear to be either unwilling or unable to exert any pressure on their suppliers to deliver, meaning; all my windows, bi-fold doors, sliding doors & skylight will now not be delivered before 25^th August. At the time of writing, they are unable to offer any guarantee until they receive the material, currently due 14^th Aug.

Do I need to describe the frustration for you, have you not all felt at some point, that same rush of anger at having lost control over a situation. You know the point you reach after having exhausted every possible solution you can think of. There is just no way you can accept that your expectation will not be met. Surely the person on the other end of the phone or replying to your email will not only understand your situation, but move heaven & earth by way of reccompense to make it so it never happened. Hidden in there somewhere lies part of the problem, by the time you become aware of it, its too late to do anything about it. You’d clicked “buy now”, you paid the premium & it promised to be with you as specified. It wasn’t, but you gave it a bit more time. You need to go out, so you make arrangements with a neighbour. By the time you get back & its still not there, you are back to exactly the point before you ordered the item, but now its two days later & you need it for tomorrow. We’ve become somewhat ‘glazed’ to the complexity of logistics, every need is immediate & gratification  is not a patient mistress. The big players make a significant selling point on their ability to deliver what you need, exactly when you want it. For others it seems they choose not to recognise any fault in their inability to deliver on a promise. You can shout, you can fume, you take it out on others because you cant get the justice you feel you deserve, but you are powerless & it is humbling.  I recently read a quote that went;  being humble is not to think less of yourself, but to think of yourself less often. Well I was certainly thinking of others, but these were far from good thoughts that’s for sure. However, in appraisal of my position – they have my 50% deposit, but to take my business elsewhere is a non starter as I do not have the time to start from scratch, even assuming I got my deposit back. Yes I could cancel the order, but I want those windows dammit. So Im sitting on my tongue, a new yoga technique Im developing ;),  breathing slowly & deeply, accepting I cant change it. Trying to talk myself into calm & talk myself out of going total “Hulk Smash!”, in truth, its not been easy!

A line of snails make their way to the top of a palm. You never see them coming down.

Focusing on the best case scenario, I expect the container to sail 1^st week September (assuming I can get a slot), to arrive 32 days later & then hopefully within another two weeks, arrive at my house. You don’t get to keep the container, so of course I need somewhere to put the contents…..somewhere like say, a house! Of course even this aspect isn’t completely straight forward, as many items needed for construction of the house, are in the container – chicken – egg – omelette. I never expected to have the house finished before the container arrived, so Id always planned on buying one locally. I now have that in hand & at $1500 second hand but secure & water tight, it doesn’t seem so bad, especially if I can resell it when Im done. The thing is, I still need somewhere to put it, so works to the land had to start in order to be at a certain stage by a certain time. So now a similar logistical scenario, only now its here in Ecuador, where Im less clear on what the rules should be.

Way down in the Mud

I already had a relationship with the digger driver, so it was no problem getting good ‘ol boy Bob back on site. We broke ground officially 18^th July 2017. We had a good day as we cut into the hill to get level ground & formed an access ramp into site. Hopeful I could get some contractors to site later in the week, so we also excavated for the septic tank. One more day & we’d be done with the digger, a day ahead of schedule & I was smiling, feeling like Id taken a big stride on the next phase of this journey. That stride took a back step the following morning after a night of rain that showed no sign of relenting. It was all we could do to get the digger back out onto the track & along the access road back to tarmac that was already a foot deep in liquid clay. Works were abandoned for the week.

We got back onto site the following Tuesday, but having to spend 2 hrs pulling a delivery lorry out of the mud, we ran over into Wednesday. That being said, all 18 pad foundations excavated & site levelled, with materials on site to begin construction, we were on our way now baaaaaby! While we were rained off, I set about finding replacement contractors. Ive had many agree works & rates etc only for it to fall over, either other commitments crop up, or more commonly they want taxi fair to & from as well as to & from lunch AND then me pay for lunch. Its not the money, it’s the principle. Between themselves they perpetuate the myth that this is “traditional”, its not, its bollox. The builders who have done a little better for themselves & thus have their own motorbike, get themselves to & from & so can also go home for lunch – Im more than happy with this, so don’t watch the clock too hard – it should also be noted they do not take mid morning or afternoon breaks, so a Maestro & his labourer (which he brings on his bike) are $30 & $20 a day respectively & they graft. I have Roey on site acting as translation & support. He is buying his own land, so its an ideal opportunity for him to learn what lays ahead for him & of course, it makes my life much easier. I am having problems with material suppliers – ironically, taking orders for material they don’t have in stock & making delivery promises they cant keep. So Im spending a bit of time up & down the coast getting the bits n pieces we need. Cheap blocks are plentiful here, but they are hand made by budding sole traders who shovel sand straight off the beach to make them – any wonder they crumble. Luckily, with the help of Jarret, I can buy quality blocks in bulk direct from Guayaquil & have them stored locally & delivered piecemeal at minimal cost, which is good, because I need around 20,000 of them. What they don’t have here are Hyabs & grab loaders, so every one of those blocks will be hand loaded & unloaded. That’s a practice that health & safety wouldn’t tolerate, but they also still use 50kg bags of cement – Id forgotten how heavy they were! They also make do with whatever they can find or make what they need to do the job – check out this hacksaw made from reinforcement bar.

As of today then, the septic will be finished end of the week & we will build a temp toilet & an office on top. When we get to the cabling & expensive stuff, it will also serve at hut for night watchman. All the reinforcement for the foundations is in place & I hope to pour them all next Wednesday/Thursday. We can then start to build the below ground cold water storage tank & begin the columns that will support the ground floor from the basement. Water is enabled & I have a meter fitted. Electricity is ordered, but I needed to prove I owned the land before they will action. I duly handed over my registration document, dated January 2016, which is when I bought the land. How could I have forgotten that all documentation used to substantiate a request must be dated within 6 months of the request. So its get the guys going on site, then on the bus for a coupla hours to get the document reprinted with an August date this year. $15 & come back in a week….breathe.

 

Just to wrap up this segment of the update, in discussing the container delays with my import agent, she clarified the way the rules currently stand – the 6 month tax free period is from when you entered the country, not visa issue, which as I landed December last year, I foresaw an import tax bill that could shade the GDP of a small country. As the very definition of simplicity, the easy way around this is to just cross the border to get a new entry stamp. Simples! The closest border for me is Peru, but as Im leaving the country, Id like to go somewhere I haven’t been before…..& also, why not make a lil trip out of it J Roey & I have a friend who lives in Medellin, flights are cheap & I can use my visa to travel within south America, so wouldn’t even need my passport if I didn’t need to get it stamped 😉 Colombia Update hopefully coming 2^nd week September….

Born To Be Wild

Riding the bike here is great, especially along the beach with the sun beating down on your back & the wind in your hair, dolphins cresting the surf, cheering you on as you power across the sand. Im not very good at cruising gently along, preferring to give it my all & sprint to my destination. This doesn’t lend itself to long bike rides for pleasure & certainly rules out the 20km journey to site. As luck would have it, or because I concentrated & attracted it to me if you prefer 😉 an opportunity arose to buy a motorbike. Now Im not a lover of speed & very nearly died on a bike. Well I suppose it was coming off the bike that nearly killed me, but you get the point, Im not a biker. Needs must & all of that, with a car looking like only a remote possibility, we haggled down to $500 including helmet. It’s a Loncin 150cc, an obscure Chinese brand that are used as work horses around here. Mine comes with the family seat, capable of taking two overweight parents & up to three children if at least one is under two years of age. After factory enhancements & modifications include a general purpose side rack. Originally intended to carry surfboards, its use is almost unlimited. I have pushed a few limits & am now considered an honoury Ecuadorian. Ive been stopped multiple times & play the enthusiastic expat, appearing to make the best effort to converse, eager to show documentation & offer any assistance I can. Mostly I receive a smile, a handshake & bade farewell, only one has questioned why the registration is out of date & did I know my UK license is only valid for 3 months. No one cares whether my helmet is on my arm or on the rack as long as I have it. It seems unimportant whether the lights or horn work, or whether its in any way safe. They do confiscate a significant number of bikes, trucks & cars though, but it seems this only happens if you don’t pay a fine. Many of the transit police now wear pin badges that state “Im Honest”, which mostly seems to mean they aren’t lying when they tell you the fine is $10 instead of $5 because you are a gringo & can therefore afford it. I do of course wear my helmet whenever Im on the road & I took the bike to a mechanic for a full service. Rather than run any risks, he replaced the chain, the clutch & cable, cleaned the carb & replaced choke cable, replaced horn & associated cabling to it & starter button. Replaced front break pads & fluid, replaced oil, spark plug & all bulbs. The bill, $18 parts, $15 labour & it took him all day. It costs me $3 to fill up with petrol & even hauling heavy loads with Roey on the back, a tank lasts well over two weeks. Can I get an Amen, Bargain.

 

Of course part of the appeal for bikes is the sense of freedom, amplified in the sunshine, but wet weather & the appropriate clothing required, somewhat take the edge off riding in the rain. So whilst its great being mechanically mobile, I long for the days when I can chuck a ton of crap behind the back seat & not have to unload & bring it inside when I get to my destination. I need a truck!

It Wasn’t Me…..!

The challenge is that the leniency shown to motorbikes, does not apply to the bourgeoisie who flaunt their wealth by showing off their four wheels & fitted roof like they owned the road. Car drivers need their documents in order, or the fines get larger & the risk of confiscation increase. A friend driving a car owned by another friend was stopped late one night – he doesn’t have a license & whilst not drunk, he had had a beer. The usual gringo fine for non production of a license is $10, but because the officer thought he may be drunk (he passed the test) all his passengers should also pay the fine. I need a license!

Eligibility for a driving license here is not automatic & definitely not some 2^nd amendment loophole. You need to have gained a high school diploma & this scholastic status has to be recorded on your identity documentation. According to a Brit here, a formal list of examinations passed doesn’t cut the mango & as I went to neither college nor Uni, I had no parchment of my own. I did try using the professional qualifications I gained later, but they are neither known nor recognised. Surely there must be another way…..of course there is 🙂

There’s Something Going On Down Near Slough

Having spoken to our “contact”, we arrange to meet him in a town about 2hrs North called Jipi Jappa. We had all of our photocopies & passport type photos as instructed, but didn’t know what to expect. Ramon (name changed just in case), met us outside the police station which doubles as the driver training centre. We follow him inside, past 60 or so people waiting patiently on broken plastic chairs & then behind the counter into his office. Ramon is the licensing manager & we present the documents we have. We sign a few of his documents, confirm some details & are then asked to return to the waiting room & well, wait. After many chapters of my book Ramon calls us back into his office. Congratulations, you have passed the practical test, come back in 10 days for the theory. We pay him $200, head home with that vague sense of unease you get when you have little to no idea what is going on. Sure enough, 9 days later Ramon calls us to say the written test is tomorrow. This time we know to go straight to his office & are met with, congratulations, you have passed, here are your licenses. We paid him the $200 balance & walked away, having been no where near a car or test paper, but now being the proud owners of legitimate issue certification. Can I get an Amen, Ramon. Now I have to organise a trip to the mountains to see if I can pick up a cheap runabout to use while building the house. I know its gonna get beaten up, so don’t want to waste money on something nice only to ruin it. Ive made a loose agreement with myself that if I buy cheap now & bring the house in under budget, then I can reward myself with something nicer when I’m done. Time will tell 😀

 

Being on site has allowed me to get a feel for what its going to be like living in my little slice of heaven. I chose it because of the lush greenery in a time of drought. Its not rain forest, but it is forest & over here that means less sun dappled leafy paths & more actual jungle. There are monkeys & mountain lions in the hills above me. Ive seen neither, but my closest neighbour told me the lions come to his fence from time to time. He also told me of snakes & deadly, one foot long centipedes, for which there is only a single anti-venom at the local clinic. He tells me he keeps a shot each for him, his wife & baby – I will do the same just in case….of a bite, not a wife & baby 😉 It is wonderfully serene, with a myriad of birds providing the soundtrack to the day & I cant wait to move in. One day last week, needing a pee & the septic not ready to use, I walk into the trees on the other half of my land – we’ve only stripped the area where the house will be for now, so the rest is somewhat overgrown. Im looking down, cos yes, I am now a little concerned what might be lurking in the dense undergrowth, when something catches my eye above. They say processed thought is the slowest thing to move within the body – The eyes will see, the brain will interpret & assess, sending action instruction to the rest of the body. You are moving before you realise why. A couple of paces back towards the safety of open dirt & I realise why Im running ( & whimpering more than a little), above me on a web appearing to be spun from corded tensile steel, was the second largest spider I have ever seen. The first was a giant tarantula in the Peruvian Amazon that was over 14” across, fat & hairy. To be honest it wasn’t scary in the least. It was so incomprehensible that it felt like a poorly made film prop from something like Arachnophobia. The one in my tree was different & it was much, much closer & very, very real at about 8-10”. I sent Roey back in to take a photo whilst I went to wash my pants & find any possible weaponry. The quality isn’t great, but Im sure you’ll get what I mean from the photo. Note to self, buy mongoose, live safely ever after. I was going to get a big lizard, but Im told they are mostly vegetarian & will just eat my flowers, or if I can stop it eating my chicken eggs, a possum may be the way to go…..

They are everywhere – note how it trys to fool you into thinking its something its not

As I said, it feels like its been raining since my mother left, but after a five year drought, the land needs it & hopefully everything will settle down next year. This meant that the weather wasn’t the best by the time Wally & his son arrived in mid June. We had fun, I think they managed to relax whilst also doing a lot of biking & yoga & even a surf lesson. With little expectation of the weather improving they made the right choice to head off early & spend some time in the Galapagos. Im sure they’ll tell you all about it in their own words, but their copy hadn’t arrived before I went to press on this episode.

Jeff arrives back for a cheeky week end of August so we can continue our tradition of dual birthday celebrations………& that will be the starting point for next time.

S x

The Perfect Storm

Welcome back once again for another update from the glorious West coast of Ecuador.

Yes the storm reference is climatic as well as situational – it really has rained a lot this year! It is considered the wet season, so its not like it’s a surprise, but general consensus is that it’s the wettest wet season for the last five years or so. The dry but cooler season officially starts next week, but with the country-size chunks of ice in the Arctic/Antarctic that are threatening to cast themselves into the ocean, Im reluctant to make any kind of predictions on what the weather will be like for the next six months – much like the rest of life here, we will take it in our stride & enjoy it regardless.

The situational perfect storm is mine & the one I referred to last update. Yes, finally, I now have my residential visa – in addition to the smug grin, I allowed myself a self indulgent chuckle at the valid till section – it states………. indefinite!

The other half of that storm was the UK house sale & after three failed attempts I am very pleased to say, that has now come to a very pleasing conclusion with the credit to my account! 😀 Will it be enough, probably not, but that just gives me the opportunity to explore new revenue streams – worry & stress are no longer part of my vocabulary 😉

To be perfectly honest with you, it’s taking a little while to sink in, though in fairness, thinking back over this particular journey, the seed was first planted when I bought the house 1^st June 2000. Of course I didn’t know that back then, I just felt there was ‘more’. It was another six years before I first went to Peru to see Steve Perry & that’s when the seed got some water & a shot of baby-bio. So now here I am a decade later & almost at the end of this segment, with just the house build to go……heralding the start of another journey that will hopefully lead to a few more. I was reading something the other day where a person was expressing their dissatisfaction at having attained their goals. What they failed to grasp was their dreams were set by a 20yr old, but eventually realized by a 40yr old who no longer wanted the same things they did 20yrs before.

A Moment in Time

The dates on which things occur afford us the indulgence of celebrating their memory each time that date comes back around – 1^st of June will always stay with me (its easy to remember), I got my first record 25^th December 1974 (Music Explosion – Various Artists on K-Tel records), & now 22^nd May will join that chronology. This has lead Jeff & I to discuss naming the day…& its not as easy as you’d think. Naturally I am over thinking it, so when I tell you I considered National Simon Day, but thought it too long, so shortened it to NatSi Day, I don’t really need to explain why I had to go back to the drawing board! So Im throwing it open to the fan-base – answers on a postcard please, (that’s an in-joke to my mother), & until I pull a winner out of the bag, Im running with “Doble Dos Dias” – there’s any number of rationalizations for this, but I just like saying it in my best deep n throaty, Julio Iglesias 😉 ………..you are trying it yourself now  arent you & you like eet 😀

Ratatouille

In the run up to going live with our Exclusive group Retreats, I have been working with Roey on his Private retreats. Its given us a chance to see how we work together in practice, which fortunately is pretty good, or naturally symbiotic & organic if you prefer 😉 In terms of who does what, we both act as host & whilst Roey is giving lessons, I prepare sumptuous dining. I pick up fresh baked rolls, fruit & eggs on the way in & we are developing lunch & dinner recipes. In a baptism of fire, on the first day he leaves me to it &  he tells me “we have quinoa, make something with that”. Now Ive cooked before & Im pretty consistent in producing what I like & how I like it, but Id never heard of quinoa & certainly never used it before. A quick search & Id found something by the bbc health guide, so that’s good enough for me (like I know any different). Yes I had to make a stab at ingredient substitution for the things we cant get here, or at least not locally & that was interesting. I also found myself making my own chicken stock from scratch & guessing what temp the oven may be, so what affect they may have on cooking time. Im pleased to say Roey was equal parts surprised & relieved that he didn’t have to rustle up an emergency alternative. Confidence was high! So during the week Roey puts together a menu – he is trained in these things, tho we are still to document cooking instruction, we can get the ingredients & they all sound tasty.

So yesterday we were having a version of the classic spag-bol, but with only fresh toms, no puree & little in the way of “helpers”, the tomato just provides the sauce & the flavours are introduced as other ingredients. The spaghetti is from zucchini, another item I’m unfamiliar with, but all went according to my ‘made up as I went’ methodology. After skinning the zucchini, slicing out the seedy bits in the middle, I super-julienned them to create spaghetti. The sauce was delicious, so Im giving it the big ol Cheshire grin as the ‘spag’ simmered on the gas burner. When they got back from surfing, Roey comes over to see how its gone. After some back n forth between us, it turns out I had in fact made………….. cucumber spaghetti. All I can really say in my defense is that the cucumbers here do look more corgette than not, but amazingly they taste like Chinese noodles when boiled. 2nds were requested by everyone, so I say “Accidental Hero”  & if cucumber spaghetti isn’t actually a thing anywhere else yet, I’ll see y’all on Shark Tank 😉

Y Tu Mama Tambien (there was just no way I was going to use mamma mia!)

The big news this month of course was the Royal visit – my mum came to stay 🙂

She has kindly taken the time to write an account of her trip, so I will hand you over to the Mamma SuzieQ in her own words for this next section.

My time & overview of Ecuador

The journey

Flight, waiting time & journey from airport to Si’s place roughly twenty hours.

Driving from the airport (Si had met me at Guayaquil Airport)  I was immediately impressed that your car can be parked almost outside the entrance with just a small parking fee.

Our journey being around three hours I was prepared to relax & take everything in, oops no a piggy fallen on the road but a quick heave ho and back on the open truck ( why wouldn’t he escape sure he wasn’t going anywhere special)

I’m not the best car passenger it is to be said but the road users over here have no rules or etiquette Everyman for himself I’d say and No seat belts for rear passengers🙄so I’m now concentrating on how amazing and green everything is with rolling hills a background of mountains the wonderful floral vegetation yes it’s a beautiful country.

We pass several villages and I can’t quite get my head around that no building seems finished or in a state of neglect but indeed people live in these dwellings as is evident from the activity of people, children odd bits of furniture, hanging wires and all the rubbish that surrounds them not of course forgetting the dogs & cats. I’m glossing over this as Simon has repeatedly told me 😴their system is whenever they have funds buy a few breeze blocks tack onto another’s house and even if it’s just a room “it’s home, it’s theirs” when they have more money build a bit more, another room.

Having now looked in several of these homes you realise the walls are never plastered or any kind of decoration whatsoever and usually it’s the one room  but it cuts out homelessness & waiting lists if they have such a thing certainly not the giving welfare state we have in the UK.

Not everyone has electricity and I’d see women doing there washing in buckets or bowl outside their homes with not a washing machine in site.

We are now following the coast road which is a joy to see and shortly arrive at Simon’s home which is everything you see on the copious photos he & I have been sending, an idyllic spot, and everything he needs to sustain life.

The main benefit of course is having the wonderful view of the sea & whenever you feel like dipping toes it’s but a short distance away. The garden is very pretty I’ve yet to photo the humming bird they are too quick but so beautiful. (Now Got the little devil on video👍)

The food here is fairly healthy, fresh fruit aplenty, the “shop” around the corner you’d never know as it’s just an open door and someone’s house/room that just happens to sell a few provisions ( little extra cash) of course if you fancy chicken 🐓they’ll grab one kill and hand it to you oven ready still warm😝

Eating out, not that you have smart restaurants to the contrary they are basically a cafe at best with usually a little stove with nothing prepped so quite a wait but your not usually in a hurry & no good asking or deliberating on what fish as it’s whatever the catch of the day is, choices are Fish or Chicken even if the menus state otherwise.

The little bar to the right of Simons place was the best and so friendly they even deliver to us.

Fishermen go out in their precarious boats maybe for two nights, ( a lovely site seeing their bobbing lights on the sea’s horizon) so early morning they are hauling their catch which takes couple of hours with what seems most of the villagers coming to help as its darn hard work, but they earn a fish or two for their trouble.

Simons land

We went one day to see Simon’s land which is couple of miles inland armed with sun umbrella & chair as I intended to paint, it was so darn hot I thought I might actually pass out plus the dreaded mosquitos had a field day, trying to balance paints, pad, umbrella & swot flies didn’t make for a long stay ( Si had the idea he was going to scythe his ten foot tall undergrowth down even he had to give in, (mad dogs & Englishmen spring to mind) it is in a lovely location and I can’t wait to see his own designed “casa ” when it’s finished.

Business

The “Yoga Retreat” business started with Roiy an Israeli friend they already have bookings so it’s something they both enjoy and want to benefit from.

The Ecuadorian’s

I have met some lovely people the neighbour’s being very friendly & kind, there also two wonderful Canadians on a long stay next door, most people passing you locally will smile and say hola or even want to chat ( I say that in the loosest sense, on my part much arm waving whilst doing a Spanish accent)  however the towns people are not as accommodating in fact downright rude, i.e. If your queuing ( us Brits love a polite Q) for anything especially the loo be prepared to stand your ground or you’ll be left peeing your pants.

Apparently it’s not rude it’s their way, Rude.

The Bureaucracy

Spending just half a day with Simon trying to sort his paperwork, stamped, get authorised was a revelation to watch,  there is no system whatsoever not even a hint of any organisation you just go back and forth from one Notary’s office to the next in the street & when there was a glint of hope you might get something out of a long hot day “bang” no it’s closed for lunch come back in two hours, enough already I’m gone.

Bus journey back to Si’s place about hour an half was the usual as with all bus journeys the driver is hell bent on making your journey “interesting” you step on the bus he immediately puts his foot on full throttle sending you reeling, banging your legs, hitting everyone you pass with your bag as your trying to steady yourself, finding a seat not easy as they all have seats back as far as possible to sleep & of course close all the curtains making it difficult to see where your going as indeed I found out after getting off the wrong stop,  thank God for a passing taxi and with lots of arm waving, guttural sounds on my part & his sheer amusement I made it back to Si’s.

Simon decided to give me a treat & bit of luxury so leaving a day early we stayed the night in Guayaquil and the following day before flying home showed me the sights & highlights, they have a Mall with real shops albeit very expensive for Ecuadorian brands which according to my source is rubbish. I’ve never seen so many hawkers selling their wares & tares seeing who can scream & make the loudest noise which is deafening.

It was hard saying goodbye at the airport especially not knowing how long it will be before seeing him again.

Summary

My favourite time was the morning looking out to sea from the veranda.

The view, peace & sound of the sea I’ll always remember. **Now my screen saver**

My walks along the beach were a favourite daily ritual trying as best I might to photo those elusive 🦀 they are incredible to watch diving into their holes as they sense you from ten feet away, however the canny heron is a master at catching his breakfast one day I witnessed him catch three one after the other he can’t go wrong there are millions of them.

I think it’s a beautiful country & met some lovely people, hate the squalid conditions, hate you leave toilet paper in a basket, hate with a vengeance Mosquitos, missed having nice shops around didn’t see any even in the big towns, didn’t see any theatre’s or galleries but maybe a bit too much to expect.

The villagers life is simple but everyone seems so happy even without all the material possessions we have, so who’s to judge, I believe it’s also fairly safe in the village with a low crime rate.

It’s definitely a place for young people to enjoy the lifestyle of swimming, surfing, skydiving, yoga, meditation, I could go on😴

Backpackers swarm to a village called Montanita couple of villages from Simon & I can see why it’s a party town it’s always heaving with young people.

Simons village Curia is a much quieter & peaceful.

For me it’s not somewhere I would permanently retire to but long stays yes.

I’m still reeling from shock they don’t have a postal system here, (get real it is after all the 21st century) I’d forgotten to bring Simons precious bank card with me that he needs!! No matter I thought I’ll post! But no can do, Not even a DHL & they go everywhere.

Fortunately a friend is going to Ecuador so able to take Simon’s bank card.

Most of all I’m so pleased Simon is happy with his life in Ecuador ( why couldn’t it have been Cornwall or the Outer Hebrides ) as that’s what it’s all about finding peace and happiness, we have but the one life

So well done him for putting his dreams into practice a brave & courageous decision and I wish him well and thank him for showing & sharing his little piece of paradise.

Jaws

Yes there are quite a number of films called “Teeth” & thanks to ‘The Rock’, there are way too many called Tooth Fairy. There are even more about Dentists thanks to a long run in the 60’s by Bob Monkhouse & it is Dentists I want to talk about here. Using Jaws just seemed a little more dramatic, ok make that, melodramatic 😉

In an uncoordinated move that would put Insp. Clouseau to shame, I clonked my front teeth with my coffee cup – I felt things ‘move’, like they were suddenly too tight for my mouth. I closed my mouth in the hope they would realign & the left front crown crackled, snapped & then popped out onto the table. Oh thhhhiiiiit!

Id had the right hand one replaced a few years ago in UK at a rough cost of £900 & a bead of sweat broke on my forehead……what were my options here?! Naturally Id done the due diligence on healthcare – it is very good here & economical, far more so when compared to North America for example, but in the heat of the moment, my mind went blank. I walked to the mirror to survey the damage. My mind replayed the scene from Marathon Man, Its safe, please let it be safe….it wasn’t!

I needed to get this sorted as quickly as possible obviously, but I was expecting my mother to arrive in a couple of days & didn’t want to have to drag her around in search of oral sanctuary. A web search offered dental tourism, but only if I was outside of Ecuador & the few that are upscale enough to have websites, were plane rides away. As there seemed little option, I contacted one, sent him photos & he quickly came back with a can do attitude for $500, unfortunately it was fast approaching Easter, so his “can do” became “cant do for two weeks”. This was not looking good. I asked around & eventually someone said they’d heard there was someone who’d recommended someone in Salinas. Salinas is only 90mins away by bus, so now we are talking local 😉 I have a friend who has a friend who lives in Salinas & before long we had a whatsapp number for El Dentisto. A quick chat & sending of the photos & I was on the bus & on my way. A questionable exterior it has to be said & Ive seen the staircase in many a scary movie, a feeling not helped by the double bolted metal door into the surgery……

Once inside though it was a different story & I understood their need to protect the comfy leather sofas, the flat screen & all the shiny drills n such like. It took three visits in all, with him just gluing the cap back in initially to see me through the two days before he could take all the impressions, fit a plastic temp & then final fit. Neither he nor his nurse speak any English, but Im getting pretty good at getting my message across….& he was very patient & quick on the uptake. The whole experience was painless in every sense, well except the first walk up the stairs, & he did all this for $160. Check the photo, I wonder how many of you can tell which is the right one & which is the left 😀

Talking of photos, I’ve included a few randoms – a heron that’s taken a liking to my pillar, a turtle that didn’t make it (viewer discretion advised), Theres some shots of a mountain I went to see – 50 hectares for $150k, I mean its the whole mountain! Unfortunately I think youd have to spend that again at least just to get a road up there, & once up there, you. are. in. the. jungle. man! It seems my bike never fully recovered from its drowning & all the things that are supposed to turn & move, no longer do so, so I bought a new one 🙂  yes Im really working the fitness kick at the moment, which leads to the next set of shots – having lost the flab, Ive set about putting some muscle back on & adding some tone – its going well, narcissism rocks! 😉

Till next time

Si x

Open All Hours

Hey Folks,

So Im afraid its been a little while since we last spoke, a period longer than a New York minute I expect, though Ive never been comfortable with the interpretation of a hot minute. Should I get ready to wait, or will I get what I need before I finish typing this sentence? A baker after all, whilst possibly failing from poor education, will ensure you went home with more than the dozen rolls you were anticipating, thus implying that an accepted quantification may be skewed by its relationship to a place or person where that understanding is possibly neither accurate or even relevant.

….AND?!    “What of it?” I hear you think

Well time, in this case, how long since Ive posted an update, is the fixed constant used to measure how long something has been since it was last. It feels longer for you, even though you’ve all been mad busy. It feels less for me, not because Im not busy, but because all the usual markers of a week barely exist. Where this develops into an issue, is when one decides to do something “next week”……much like tomorrow, it never comes because you’ve no idea when the current one ends.

Not much of an excuse is it really? No. So ok, lets just say Im sorry & move on 😉

The real reason things have “drifted” is that Ive struggled for inspiration. I don’t mean staring at a blank page writers block kinda stuff –  I don’t have a problem filling a page ;), but I mean the one thing that acts as a catalyst for the theme, however convoluted. It doesn’t matter where it comes in the story, but it becomes my starting point for assembly & sets the tone. This isn’t a diary, so any event is woven into a story, at least in my head, because its my story. I approach Djing in the same way. Yes I can do the job generically, but to really shine, I build a story for myself with music, starting with a single track that makes me feel the way I want you to.

Therein lies my challenge, lots of things I want to share with you, all of them understudies for the midweek matinee & of the big name stars, little or no significant change. So with a nod to Open All Hours paraphrasing Ronnie Barker, its been a funny ol’ coopla months, G GuGgg Guh g Geeeranville……….

Top of the Pops

Ive been spending quite a lot of time with Roey. We continue to enjoy each others company & after having hosted a private party for some friends, we started something of a “night” at La Casa Rosa. I have to say I was both proud & surprised to hear that people traveled from other towns along the coast to attend. Of course there was the usual shaky start when we opened the doors at 7pm, classy bar culture vybes drifting out into the moonlight. A chicken & a dog were the only entrants for the next hour, but then it was like a coach pulled up. Luckily there were a number of expats that understood the concept of simply standing around enjoying a drink over an interesting conversation with a stranger, whilst rhythms & melodies intertwine in the background to keep your body vibrating whether you want it to or not. Yes Ecuadorians drink, a good many of them too much I suspect & yes, every venue from restaurant to ice cream kiosk has a speaker set to stun, but the only other places that combine those three elements are full blown nightclubs. Most venues are restaurants in which you can sit with friends & simply drink, but its not a bar. Road side kiosks sell beer, so they tend to keep a basic plastic garden set of small table & 4 chairs on which their patrons will pause with a cool one, to exchange comment on the passing day….. but its still not a bar. So we became one -Casa NotChe! (this is what happens when an Englishman & an Israeli, speak in Spanish) We are hoping to continue with them monthly & were definitely bolstered by a feature in “Venu”, an equivalent to a version of London’s Evening Standard magazine, based in Guayaquil. Sadly there is no online version, so I took a photo for posterity. The review is primarily on La Casa Rosa as a restaurant, but given that I get an honoury mention as the “very famous British DJ”, I shan’t be writing to the editor to complain J

Are you Being Served

You will recall that all my visa paperwork was accepted as complete & submitted for final approval 20^th December 2016, with anticipated receipt 30days later. Following the kind of telephone badgering a bot would be proud of, I finally received confirmation in early February. Sadly it was simply that the valuation certificate for my property had expired & would need to be updated before my application could be completed. Quick trip to St Elena, expired document clutched in my sweaty palm, I hopped in a cab at the bus terminal to the Municipo. I almost know the way to their office by heart now, but I had no time for the dalliance of a stroll, my mind could almost see the rubber stamp poised over my application. Of course in my excitement, (arising from; rejection of this document being proof my application is actually being processed, thus with said document replaced, approval was a given), I’d forgotten that any document, regardless of when submitted or time required to process, will only ever be ready the following Saturday.

There is no formal postal service as such on the coast, or possibly even the whole country. So aside from fedex like couriers, the best way to get something from one place to another without taking it yourself, is to send it on a bus. You can take advantage of this service at any place you can buy a ticket, so this doesn’t apply to the “local” buses that run up & down the coast unless you know the drivers. Naturally its not as straight forward as licking a stamp & popping it in the box, here you have to submit your own passport & know the passport No of the recipient. You then photo/scan your ticket & send it to your recipient, as without this & their passport, the package cannot be collected. It is of course far better than the 6hr round trip to deliver it yourself & lots of locals use the service for stock deliveries of goods only available in Guayaquil, that they resell here on the coast.

So it was in this way I returned my valuation & was told it should be no more than 15days more. 16^th March, the day before Jeff arrives (spoiler alert!), I am told my property registration document has also expired. Now I know my property valuation certificate was next to my registration document in the file when it was submitted, so even sidestepping the time taken, how did they not see these two out of date documents at the same time?!! Leaving Jeff to lay in the morning after his arrival, its back to the Municipo for a rinse & repeat of the last few paragraphs. The latest hot news is that I will be a proud recipient of my Cedula 11^th April, the day after my Mother arrives (oops, n’other spoiler alert!). There is no breath being held for that Tuesday, Im just taking it day by day….& as the intro, Im seldom aware of how long its actually taking, so theres little to get frustrated about as long as I breath……..ooooooohmmmmmm.

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet

With my land more or less ready for prep to begin works, it was time to get everything else pinned down. In a joint venture with Bob the Digger drivers son Jarret, we approached the nearest concrete plant to discuss delivery along the coast. Yes for my build, but as Jarret gets involved in construction from the start, we see an opportunity for temporary/mobile plants, set up where they are needed rather than the 90min delivery time. The nearest north is 5hrs away, so most people just mix manually. Im sure you can imagine that the concrete mixed after lunch will be poorer than after breakfast & at the end of the day its little better than sub standard. Anyway, it’s a workable idea that just needs customers, so we will come back to that in the future maybe 😉 Having engaged the concrete company I am now comfortable that all my concrete will be as specified – their plant is both modern & impressive – however, I just know I will have to make considerable planning allowances for all the days the truck is running to a different time concept 😉 Jarret is also developing his own excavation business to include material supply & delivery, which is sweet, sweet music to me as the guys that deliver stuff only have pickups with extended sides, so all material has to be loaded & unloaded by hand/shovel. The Builders yard doesn’t arrange this as part of their service, you buy/order from them & then call a pick up guy to go & get it to bring to you, when he has time of course 😉

So Im all set & just waiting on “English John”, a local site foreman. Having spent 10 years on the Costa Del Sol, he’s been in Olon for the last 7yrs & came recommended. He’s friendly enough & clearly knows his way around a site, but it irks when he calls me boy. He’s been finishing his current contract since February, but in fairness, his current client is a ditherer with unrealistic expectations. Running through my project, outlining my thoughts on challenges, I could tell he was not going to be easy to work with – aware of my feelings towards it, he chatted endlessly about Manchester United. The trouble is, he is something of a minority around here in terms of replacements, so I sucked it up & we carried on theoretically planning a start when he finished the current one. We had been discussing rates for a month, I already knew the cost of labour & trades, but it appeared to make him feel authoritative to remind me, though he was unable to confirm his own rate & would “work something out soon”. After insisting for 3wks, he finally gave me his rate & I’ll put it in context for you here: Labour @ $2 p/h, Tradesmen $3.50 p/h Working Foremen $5 p/h English John $20 p/h. Im still waiting for his reply to my questioning what he thought he could bring to the role that justified this expense.

All is not lost though, the guy I intended to use last year is near to finishing his contract in Miami, so Im hoping we can just pick up where we left off & as this guy is a local, I feel better for the community contribution of local hire. This may be relevant later should I need to deal with an issue where Gringo’s may not usually do well…….Im not a Gringo, Im Britanico, will likely go down as well as “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy”

Homes Under The Hammer

So Im more or less ready to go on my build, however, aside from some small works, the first few months will be all concrete, at a cost of around $25k. I don’t want to decimate my savings pot, so my plan is to use the proceeds of my house sale in UK. You all know that fell through the first time & guess what, the offer the day before I got on the plane fell over a few weeks ago. Amazingly my estate agents had people in there the following day, which produced something of a bidding war, so now I have an offer in excess of the previous one & the whole process has now started again. Im not annoyed, Im not even really fazed. There is nothing I can do to affect this process but maintain a positive outlook & flow with it. This is a perfect storm in the making & it has taken some time to get all the pieces in place, but very soon; the visa will be issued, the house will complete, the kitchen, glazing & the container will be given the go & works WILL begin on site. Everything hinges on the visa & the money, but once those metaphorical dams burst, all that remains is to ride the wave through to a happy ending! 🙂

Dragons Den

As you might imagine, Ive had some time on my hands, even given the amount of it I’ve spent on buses! So hanging out one day with Roey, we got to chatting about his retreat business, how it was doing & where it was going. A few mojito’s later & it turns out the retreats are doing well, but taking a lot of work for a relatively low return. La Casa Rosa is great as a “rustico” restaurant, but its one bedroom accommodation does not boast 5 stars. He needed to go bigger & better & by the end of the night, we had the bare bones of a luxury retreat business. When the hot light of day burned through our eyelids, we set about the research & contacted a few of the elite properties along the beach. Sleeps 24, $2k a night, modern design – this was sounding promising! To be fair it is a nice house, but it only has 5 bedrooms, all of which have bunk beds as well as a double & a couple of trusty fold out sofa beds on the mezzanine passageway. This was looking more like an immigrant housing project than a luxury property, so it was back to the drawing board. Many, many, mojitos later, we settled on the perfect middle ground of beautiful retreats for groups no larger than 10 & now have a small portfolio of properties that tick all the boxes, without being priced by the number of people you could squeeze into it in the event of emergency. Our focus is on providing a healthy & spiritually energising retreat in which to practice yoga & surfing. Off the back of recent enquiries & excellent grown up business advice from our holidaying “in-house consultant”, we have now drilled that down to initially only offer this service to yoga teachers that have a group already but need a destination. Its quite exciting 🙂 We haven’t yet begun the advertising for these group booking as we still have a few bits & pieces to tie down before we go live, but you can keep an eye on our progress here, these two shown are the existing hosted at Casa Rosa: https://www.bookyogaretreats.com/vikara-lifestyle

..& now the local news, weather & travel information in your area

I get it, the world gets it, British people have an exceedingly dull fascination with the weather. In fairness, whilst weather in the UK is hardly ever extreme, its variances do impact our choices on clothing & external activities to name but two. My expectation for weather consideration in Ecuador went something along the lines of “what colour t-shirt shall I wear today?”. This was a fair & reasonable conclusion based on my experience of the years weather between March & December, but what I hadn’t expected was what happens in February. Now generally the weather in Ecuador presents itself in two seasons, Summer & Winter. Summer runs from December to June & its hotter & wetter than Winter, which unsurprisingly runs from June to December & is cooler & dryer than Summer. In truth the most noticeable difference is the white cloud that fills the sky in Winter & how hot the Sun feels in Summer. As for rain I’d only ever felt a few drops during the day & seen the evidence of a shower on the occasional morning. Last year was supposed to see the full force of El Niño, but I guess it was running a little late & finally got here this February (even the weather arrives “mañana”) . So if you recall, it actually began raining on my first scheduled day on site, which was a fair downpour, but not a patch on what was to come. The rain continued through to the end of Jan on a day here or there basis, hot sun in between, so no great shakes. Then February arrived & with it came the kind of rain Arks were built for.

Let me paint you a picture – There is a river a few hundred meters north of Olon that outflows into the sea – I have only ever seen this river as a dried up trickle that never made it on to the sand, but its mouth is about 30m across the beach headland. I often walk or ride home along the beach from Olon, so the first time I came upon the river actually making it all the way across the sand to the sea was something of a surprise, but I paddled through it without issue or much thought. Making my way home one night a couple of weeks later, I got off my bike when I got to the water’s edge, which was much much further from the other edge than it had been. Picking up the bike to wade through it seemed easy enough, even though it was dark & high tide. There was really no way of telling where the sea began & the river ended, so I just kept walking straight. When the water was up to my knees I turned around, went back to dry land & removed my shorts – its only 30mins walk, but doing so in wet clothes isn’t fun. So with clothes, wallet & cigarettes safely dry in my rucksack, I set out to cross once more. The sea is lovely & warm at around 22 deg, but the river comes down straight out of the mountains, so as the water passed over my waist, I idly wondered if “fluffers” charge extra on cold days. Nearing the middle, I couldn’t hold my bag & the bike out of the water any longer & the incoming waves threatened to bend me to their will if I couldn’t hold myself upright, so I dropped the bike into the water to try & increase my hold on the bottom. Of course by now Id realised that the river had cut a swathe through the sand, so it seemed logical to head further out to sea where the routing would be less. Of course, as King Canute will testify, theres little one can do against the waves of an incoming tide, you just have to go with the flow. I was pushed back inland & further up the newly formed river bed. The waves pushed me in from the surface, the river pushed me out to sea from beneath. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to a moment or two of panic induced indecision, but I was almost halfway by my estimation & going back is seldom good advice. By now the water was over my shoulders & over my head with the a few of the waves. I was clinging to the wheel of the bike & straight arming my bag to the sky as I struggled for breath & to grip the sand beneath my feet. Looking back there were several times I should’ve just dropped the bike, or the bag or both, but have you ever been driving whilst enjoying a takeaway Costa & you experience an incident on the road. The reaction of course is to avoid the incident, but I bet most of you will put most of the effort into not spilling the coffee as well, I know I do. Yes there’s a dent to the front wing, but at least I don’t have a lap full of coffee! It was this illogical thought process that kept me clinging to the bike, so I suppose I should conclude it was my need to save the bike that saw me drag it out of the surf the other side before collapsing exhausted on higher ground. Many of you may question what I was thinking, but ……..you don’t know, you weren’t there, you wouldn’t have been able to tell how deep it was just from looking either, so there. ;p

So yes there was a lot more rain than I expected, most of the main roads were closed for a portion of each day whilst mud slides were cleared & the pavements spent many weeks under water. This is nowhere near the amount of rain they have experienced in Peru, where most of the land around Lima has been washed away, taking with it water & sewage pipe work & plunging the city into chaos. To put things into perspective though, lets compare it to the UK. It feels like it rains most of the time at least somewhere in the UK, but it only ranked 72^nd in world rainfall terms last year with a total of just over 1.2m spread over 165 days, or 4 foot in just under half the year. By contrast Ecuador was ranked 22^nd with 2.3m over 30 days, or nearly 8 foot in a month. This equates to 7mm per day in UK, but 76mm in Ecuador, or over 10 times the amount & that’s a lot of water!

All Creatures Great & Small

Im no James Herriot & in fact I don’t particularly like most animals, but I do find them fascinating. The thing with the rain, like with most traditionally hot countries, is that it heralds a new growth & the start of the hatching season. Yes that invariably includes mosquitoes, but it is all the other species that intrigued me the most. First up were the cicadas/grass hoppers, which to me looked more like locusts. The rain brings them out of the ground, but seeming like they’ve all been “roofied”, they stumble around trying to figure out what the hell is happening. Their wings wont work for another few weeks, so first they need to find a place to stay & some pleasant company. The floor isn’t covered with them, but they are absolutely everywhere for a few days, then voom, they vanish. They don’t leave as they cant get far without their wings, but to save them from being picked off by birds etc, they need to find a hidey place to hold up. After a few days of their best Anne Frank impression, they remember they are supposed to mate before they fly off, but without access to Tinder, they must resort to the old “rub my legs together to let her know Im here”. In an all concrete house that acts much like an echo chamber, all you really know for certain is that you are within 30 feet of any number of culprits. Any closer & the one you zeroed in on, stops. I slept outside one night as it was actually quieter….& then they all just stopped. Some are back now & its almost a reassuring sound as they chirp away in the distance, its as summery a sound as lawn mowers & kids playing in the park, but note to self, don’t let them crawl in the house next year!

The moths & butterflies also appear & are often to be seen, wings spread basking in the warmth of the sun before seeming to float away on the breeze like a brightly coloured, oversize hanky.  Ive seen a single frog (sorry mum!), the smallest gecko ever & some of the African killer bees, but I never got close enough to take a photo of them. In all honesty, I dont carry my phone, so most of what I see remains un-captured. All other etymological examples are just some of the things I see flying or crawling around. Some like the huge snail, I literally stumble across……others like the crab clearing out his hole are just fascinating to watch, but he wouldn’t move when I got too close, so the shots don’t give as much detail as Id like to show. In essence the crab has 12hrs to clear out his hole before the tide comes back & floods it. So he balls up the sand, carries it up & out of the hole, rolled a suitable distance away, then broken down & scattered. Rinse, repeat until it all gets wet again, then start over. Why would he do this, day in, day out??

Whilst Im on photos, there are a number of random shots – I finally got a shot of a fishing boat being taken home in a pickup with a lot of labour. It looks like the boat is still in the water with the truck parked in front, but no, its in the truck. What passes for a child’s toy in Colombia (I was visiting a friend in hospital).A shot of the circus that speaks more than any man should ever need to know. A panoramic shot a friend took when the sky was every blue there ever was & other things that speak for themselves.

Come Dancing

I deliberately used the original forerunner to the many dancing shows on TV these days & this BBC classic dating back to the 50’s was all about mirror balls & winceyette, but it was this show that first exposed me to Latin rhythms of Merengue, Rhumba & Saaaalsa.  The public would have no say in the results of Come Dancing for its first 40yrs, but it was the thoughts of voting & swaying bodies that filled my mind as I awaited the start of Mardi Gras here. It followed the General Elections, which came with a country wide, 4 day alcohol ban, prior to voting. Voting here is compulsory, with a $200 dollar fine for a no show, so with the best part of a months wages at risk for most, everyone puts their tick in the box. This time around the two front runners are way out in front of the other eight candidates, but not far enough apart from each other to declare a clear winner. So they will all be going back to the polls after Easter, but this time with only two options, so as far as Im aware, everyone can drink up until they vote.

So they voted on Sunday after not drinking since Thursday. Ban lifted for Monday, Mardi Gras begins Tuesday – I was expecting total carnage! The 4 day, 96hr drink-fest that is the towns Saint day just before Christmas, saw the streets littered with drunk bodies, laying where they fell & lifting the bottle back to their lips before their eyes opened was something to behold. Carnival would be awesome. Or maybe not! There were certainly thousands of people, appearing in their droves. Every side street was full of parked up coaches, there were no rooms at any Inns & every pavement was lined with vendors. The goddamn choo-choo train was back, as was the circus, but neither was tempting. The thing is, there were very few parties. There was almost no hell raising. They came, they sat on the beach & they ate. Montanita was a different story – I ventured once, briefly & that was early in the day. I heard stories, they didn’t sound like my kind of fun & you had to wear sunglasses. Not due to the bright sun, no, that would be obvious. Its because the Ecuadorian equivalent to throwing candy from a parade float, is to squirt you full in the face with foam. Think super-soaker water pistols filled with crazy streamers for the professionals, standard crazy foam for everyone else….& I mean everyone. They hang out of cars & buses, they carry them in the streets – its like the wild west on sticky, violently coloured goop. Apparently there was a neon haze floating between 4 & 8 feet along every street in Montanita  hashtag stayedinallweek hashtag smugface.

Wish You Were Here

(or anything with Judith Chalmers)

Jeff made his annual pilgrimage towards the end of April & if it could be said, it was even better than last year. The sea breeze seems to help considerably in keeping the mozzies down, so things were better from the off. We’ve both grown in the last year & it was great to discuss how we achieved that & what potential remained. We didn’t go out much, but then we never felt like we needed to. I was impressed he joined me for Yoga & spiritualism was an oft referred to subject in our personal progression. A week never seems long enough, but without the distractions of modern city life, we are able to ease our way through the day without the need to rush off elsewhere. It is this relaxed environment that helps both of us to focus on whats important, discard what isn’t & feel better for it.

Jeff has only been gone a week, but in just another short weeks time, my mother will arrive for her first Ecuadorian adventure. Im not sure what her reaction will be, but I hope she loves it. Im really looking forward to showing her around & letting the relaxing vybe give a better sense of how stress free life can be here. I will need to keep her out of the sun – Jeff will testify that a quick 30min walk along the beach will burn you without mercy unless you take precautions – see photo! I cant forecast how much my mother will enjoy it here, but perhaps I can persuade her to contribute her own words to my next update…which may well be published before The Waltons arrive in June 😉 One thing I hadn’t realised, but will hopefully work out well, is that its Easter here next week, so we wont have to go far for fireworks & I know where there will be a lovely church service 😉

Well that just about wraps things up for another episode & I hope you all feel it was worth the wait. In the interest of democracy, I would welcome comment regarding content over frequency & whilst I doubt you would want me to just churn out durge, I do acknowledge the need for consistency. What Im asking then is this; Do I always write every (insert timeframe), even if I dont really have much to say, so will probably just babble, or wait until the inspiration sparks, with or without a master time constraint?

Take care out there & don’t let The Donald get you down, it’ll all be over soon!

Si x

A Very Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year to You All

When we last saw our hero, he was touching down in Guayaquil. He’d had to endure the entire flight in the cheap seats because he’d bought the cheapest tickets for the really really cheap seats & so couldn’t upgrade them for the usual, nominal fee. He arrived in baggage claim feeling anything but hero-ey, though at least his bag was almost the first off the carousel.

They call these tickets Economy L, they should call them Economy F…….. for false!

 

Midnight Express

He approached customs with the adrenaline pumping as a mix of guilt induced fear,coursed through his body. Its the one we all experience when dealing with “Officials”, or at least, one does, if one is from a good home. So it was even more uncomfortable knowing he had plenty to be guilty about. As he collects his bag & makes his way across the wide marble floor, he scans the inspection area ahead. The pump in his chest  beating so loudly his ears may blow before his heart does as he reaches the critical moment. Expelling a single, calming breath, he lifts his bag onto the x-ray conveyor that all luggage must pass through on its way out of the building. It sat there, singular in its blatancy, alone in its vulnerability. The x-ray operator & his two associates were engaged in conversation & did not appear interested in our Hero or his bag. After an uncomfortable silence, a guard turned to face him, a single bead of sweat trickled from his hairline as the guard pushed the button to start the conveyor. The bag jerked, then headed into the open tunnel …….& passed all the way through. No one watched the monitor, no alarms sounded, no one even looked up.

He had been playing a role, acting all cool at the entry to bag search, but now on the other side, almost home free, this was no time to be loitering. There is no barrier, no detector to walk through, just a few short steps away from reaching the other side. Confidence was   the key, though he had never felt less sure of himself as he took a half step & then another, he followed that with a stride. As he turned to pick up the bag, his eyes caught the approaching crowd now departing the baggage claim, many pushing two trolleys, piled high with goodies from far away lands. The guards came alert as one, while Attenborough takes over the narration, describing with his perfectly measured gravity, their final few minutes as they too approach customs & cash cow is on the menu.

Outside haling a taxi, a smile across his face, a sparkle in his eye & a reassuring hand on the jar of Marmite in his holdall, El Ingles once more stepped back into Ecuador………

 

From Here to Eternity

Due to the late arrival time of the Iberia flight, I stayed over for the night in Guayaquil & treated myself to a suite in a nearby airport hotel. I say treated – it was a suite, they let me smoke & enabled the cable TV as well as giving me breakfast before ordering me a cab – but it only cost me $40. The cabs in Guayaquil are pretty good – you give them a nominal distance & preferred amount to spend & they whisk you to the hotel they would choose with those criteria. Of course, if you ask for Hilton, Sheraton etc they will happily take you, but the cab fare will be at least double & you realise you’ve just been “Gringoed”

The other reason I stayed over was that I had arranged to meet my immigration lawyer for my final push towards residency. Naturally my lawyer couldn’t make it, she was in Canada for Xmas with her husband, but as there are no qualifications or training required to be a “lawyer” here, it seemed perfectly natural for her mother to step in & help me in my quest.

A new law last year has meant that any application, reapplication & sometimes even a general enquiry, must be accompanied by “Moviemento Migracion”. This is just a typed record of the entry/exit stamps in your passport. I had one before I left in June, but as I’d left & then returned, I now needed an update, seemingly regardless of the fact they had both my passport & a photocopy of each page. Obviously this document issue requires its own office department, so whilst I sat & waited for my turn, I watched 17 people receive their document ahead of me. It was 11am by this time, so Im guessing maybe 30 people so far that morning. Before you actually get the piece of paper, you have to go to another desk to pay the $5 fee. Now, as this isn’t my first time, Im well aware of the difficulties encountered when trying to pay with denominations above $10, so whilst I had a few $50’s & $20’s for rent etc, most of my cash was in 5’s & 10’s. Not wishing to waste an opportunity to change big bills, I guessed there were at least 20 $5 in the cashiers box & pulled out a $20. The girl behind the desk looked at me, looked at the note, then looked back at me, her face breaking into misery. A soft moan escaped her lips as she mumbled an inconsolable stream of regret. Her misery was so clearly fake, I simply stood & stared. She began to wail. I desperately tried to place her – had I sold her children into slavery, had I cut down her husband at the time of her greatest need, did I poison her dog? No! My lawyers mum explained she probably had a sideline exchanging big notes & I was interfering in her business. I had no choice but to hand over one of my own precious $5 & watch helplessly as she gleefully stuffed it into a drawer already overflowing with small bills. Her smile as she stamped my paper spoke volumes & I shivered a little as we stepped back out into the sun.

Of course, when we reached the next Municipal building to submit my papers, they weren’t the right ones, there were some missing & I would need to return on Monday. I did indeed return Monday when the missing papers were no longer required, but other previously submitted papers now were, so would need to be provided again. Every other day for two weeks running up to Christmas I made the 6hr round trip to play footsie with the administration, until finally they accepted the application, took my photo for my ID card & told me it will be ready in 15 – 30 days. Its now nearly February & no, its still not ready yet. Yes I should be frustrated, I could get angry, especially as 1^st December they changed the visa law & the 6 month visa I had to return to UK for, wait 6 months & pay $400 is now free & issued on entry to Ecuador without application………….                               I continue to breath, slowly & deeply J

Diner

Knowing I would be back in Olon by Friday I had called ahead & booked my place for the Comuna Dinner. Sadly most of the people I had known from the Summer were no longer here, but the whole point is that those who are, get together, eat well, chat about experiences & where possible, help each other out. So its good to get new blood. Now I don’t think I told you that I lost my rented apartment whilst I was on enforced leave back in UK. Yes I knew there was a reservation for November, but at the time I took it on, there had been no word from the reservee for at least a year, so no one expected them to ever turn up. Of course they did show up, meaning I now needed a new place to stay. I was currently in a cheap local hotel & all my stuff from before was in storage at my previous landlords place – a situation far from ideal.

Dinner was fun & all, but no one knew of any vacancies & with high season fast approaching, the outlook was bleak. Then a woman by the name of Stacey strolled in looking for a late drink & someone to offload all her frustrations on – she too is currently in the process of applying for residency – so she took a seat next to me like an Alabama bug on a bald bucks backside. When she finally paused long enough to take a gulp of wine I asked her where she was living & if she knew of any vacancies. To my surprise, yes she did & made the call there n then. 11am the following morning I met the delightful Carolina in a little town (more of a hamlet), just up the road from Olon. Stacey had been hoping to move into the big white house, but knew there was a place available just next door. Smaller, though no less desirable, this 2 bed casa was available & going for less than I was paying previously……

A Room With A View

The house is not beautiful & its not how I would have designed it, but that doesn’t matter. Its two double bedrooms, both en-suite. A large open plan downstairs, again with w/c & also fridge, microwave etc (this isn’t usual!), a large BBQ area, lawns to the front & oh yes, its on the beach. By this I mean step out the front gate onto sand, on the beach. Yes there are a few strategically placed coconut palms to disrupt the sea breeze, but at high tide its less than 20 paces to the sea. I love it!

This hamlet is called Curia & is very quiet. So quiet & very sleepy – even the cockerels whisper their morning glory & I can go days without seeing more than 2 people. There is a beach bar, though just the one & this only opens at weekends (for the tourists). The loudest thing in fact is the sea, which provides something of a white noise roar & if Im honest, took a few weeks to get used to, but now I am, everything sounds a little strange without it. There is no mistaking the beauty of the sunset though, as seen from just about anywhere in the house, its Technicolor glory fills the front of the house with light as it slips behind the blue horizon – I see the most people at this time of the day as we all head to the beach to watch – no drama, no ceremony, just pleasure 🙂

Animal House

We had a party for NY – more on that later – & we left the garden gate open. One of the chickens that roam freely around here, found its way into my garden. It got shooed out the following morning, so no harm, no fowl 😉 Chillin on my deck the next day, I was amazed to see said chicken doing its best Mel Gibson impression by launching itself at the top of the wall. A quick hop down on to the moist grass & it was up to its giblets in fat juicy worms. Now Ive always thought that chickens are essentially a close knit brood, but after watching this chicken’s endeavours for a few days, it seems shes kept this (life hack) to herself as no other hen has even tried to scale the wall. The result, I can always pick out my “Rocky” as she is significantly fatter than all the other skinny white chicks 😉

On the balcony one evening, the sun well & truly over the yard arm, I saw something in the surf. It hadn’t been there earlier, so I watched it as the next wave came in & it was pushed & pulled with the water, but I still had no idea what it was. The next wave turned it & I saw a beak, it was a pelican. As above, it was past margarita time, which probably explains why I got the idea in my head that the Pelican, lets call him Pete, had sunk in the sand & was going to drown. I dragged myself out of the hammock & went down to the beach. Pete did not appear to be in a good way. His beak snapping listlessly at my approach, he did nothing to get out of the way, but the next wave tipped him so I could clearly see he wasnt stuck in the sand. Whats the right thing to do in this situation, let nature take its course or try to help. If help, what is that exactly – I wish Id paid more attention to Steve Irwin as I decided it stood a better chance if it could breathe, & a bird doesnt breathe water, so I picked him up & headed for high ground. I went out later that night & Pete was still there when I got home, though clearly getting some much needed rest. He was not there when I got up in the morning, though nor were there feathers, so for now he has flown off to find his friends & will pop back sometime to say thanks. In the fullness of time I may have to accept its R.I.Pete, but for now he’s my first animal rescue & we both need the win!

Carolina & her husband (Enrique) live in an adjoining apartment to the rear of my house & their two cats can often be seen out on the prowl, but never approach me & scamper away sharpish if I disturb their sleepy ,sun-drenched reverie. Then one day about a month after I moved in, they took a tentative step inside. A week later they were staying over night & now they howl if I don’t let them drape themselves across me on the sofa whilst enjoying a film. Though not quite the pussy Trump is now famous for grabbing, its good to know I still have some animal magnetism 😉 Best of all, when they both lept up one night, scaring the bejeesus out of me, I was relieved to find the remains of a rather large spider the following morning. They had identified a threat & dealt with it accordingly to protect their new master. It’s the first spider I have seen in Ecuador & coincidentally also the first morning I put milk down for the cats. A natural balance had been established. Of course there are plenty of geckos & a diverse range of birds, including the tiny humming bird that all frequent the property, but these last are all too quick to be captured by this lumbering cameraman…….

Over The Garden Wall

Roey, an Israeli entrepreneur who owns La Casa Rosa in Olon, has grown into a good friend. Im a little in awe  of him after hearing how, after leaving the army & spending time with his brother in Brixton, he hopped on a plane to the states, bought a bicycle & made his way down through Central America & then on down through Colombia to Ecuador. He’s only mid 30’s but has a thriving business with his restaurant & now offers Surf/Yoga retreats which are booked right through to the summer. He speaks about seven languages & has been a tremendous help to me, with translation, assistance & of course, someone to hang out & be friends with. This goes both ways of course & I offer him an experienced sounding board as well as construction advice & business methodology – we complement each other well!

We agreed that whilst his place had appeal, it was mostly accidental & so we devised a plan to maximise the potential. Part of this involved the rendering of a long wall, which I offered to do for him – it gave me a chance to discover how hard it is to work with local tools/materials & the nightmare that is working in 30+deg heat – cement dries on the trowel before you can even get it on the wall. So we did it in stages, waiting till the lunch service was over & before evening began. Over the course of a few days, we worked our way along the wall as more & more people would wander up to the doors. Roey always went out to talk to them, apologising that he was closed  – the doors were only open because we were working & they usually wandered off after a few minutes. For some reason this always made him laugh, but it wasn’t until after I had finished that he told me none of them were there to eat – word had gotten around that a Gringo was working & they’d all come to see the wall & watch me work. Luckily the local Maestro approved of my work & people Ive never met know who I am now 🙂

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence

Christmas Day, in fact the whole of the festive period is not my favourite time of year. This year was different! Ecuadorians celebrate with a meal at midnight on Christmas eve & that’s it over & done with. So having been invited by friends, I adopted the local tradition, enjoying deep fried Turkey – its amazingly moist – but still managed a reasonably early night & awoke feeling refreshed & looking forward to the day. An enjoyable but rather quick Skype with the family back home was a nice way to start my day – theirs was about to dish up turkey, hence the rush – & after a shower I waited for Roey to pick me up. We were heading up the coast with a couple of girls we’d met a few days earlier in Montanita. We packed a picnic & as Roey is an instructor, he was going to teach us to surf, or at least that was the intent. To be fair to him he tried, but the girls were still drunk from the night before & well, lets just say its not a skill that comes naturally to me….. It was a fun day though as we played games, splashed & frolicked & if you concentrated real hard, you could just about imagine Cliff Richard providing the summery fun soundtrack 😉

Eyes Wide Shut

On the Wednesday between Christmas & New Year there was a small party on the beach – a fire, a selection of musical instruments & people from Argentina to Adisababa. It was here I met a girl. Someone led me over to a small group of people, introducing as we went, most nodding & smiling in  greeting. I didn’t really catch her name, but as she turned, she glowed. I don’t just mean she had good skin, I mean she radiated light. I wouldn’t have been surprised if a choir of angels had burst forth into song. I was quite literally smitten at first sight. I giggled, picturing myself as Jim Carey the moment he first sees Cameron Diaz in The Mask, eyes & heart leaping out on stalks.

It turns out her name was Dakota & she was a nanny from Amarillo, Texas & over here looking after the kids of another couple Id met earlier. We talked, we laughed, we clicked & when the party was over, I positively skipped all the way home as her smile permeated my every thought. I couldn’t wait to see her again. She came to our NYE party (again, more on that later) & we were clearly both as excited as the other to see each other again. We’d barely even kissed, but it felt right & as far as I was concerned, would only get better. Unfortunately I didn’t get to see her much after that, the children kept her busy, she lived further down the coast & she didn’t have a phone, but when I did, she was always with the father of the children in her care. The father, his name is Quinn, is something of an eccentric & has some strong views on the best way to live life. He was entertaining though & I found it interesting to listen to him talk. I then began to notice his talking had a purpose, a direction he was taking things with what I would consider, basic psychology techniques. He was trying to get people to engage with him & with me specifically, he tried all sorts to provoke the desired response, he just wasn’t prepared for the logical anomaly that is my mind, or capable of leading me where I didn’t want to go. It troubled me though, so I spoke to Dakota about her boss.

“Hes wonderful isn’t he?!”, er no, hes a raving loony that annoys people with his manipulation 101!

“Its such a shame that not everyone understands his teachings”, ok, hold up, wait a minute…say what?!

“you’ve probably realised that Im not really a nanny, in fact they are my children, or rather our children”. So are you saying you are “with him”??

“we are all with him”. Ok, so either you are Mormons, or this is starting to sound very much like a cult!!

“Before we came here we started the Garden of Eden, we are a self sustaining autonomous commune”. So definitely a cult then!

I would continue with the dialogue, but its sad & depressing, both of itself & as a memory. She continued with her adulation, I explained why this was not the best way forward for her – she had been a disillusioned teenager in a dead end job back in Amarillo when she first met him & he had changed her life into something wonderful. Constantly doing his bidding was nothing compared to the life he provided for her/them. She’s 25 now, fully under his spell & can see nothing wrong with how he dictates her life. “how could you want to be with me but not want to be a part of this life?”  You are hot & he is a sociopath turned out to be the wrong answer & so sadly we parted ways. Id like to think she will keep my number & just maybe, one day she will realise she is worth more & her decisions should be her own.  Of course I did ask & she denied ever having been offered Koolaid, so for now at least she is “safe”

Boogie Nights

As with every New Year all around the globe, theres always loads going on, but its largely all a disappointment, so when Roey asked me if I fancied putting on a party, “Hell Yeah” was the only response. We established how we wanted it to be & set about researching potential venues. Needless to say, almost all had their own event planned or were closed with no intention of opening. After a few rums we realised that I already had the perfect venue, we just needed some equipment & a few supplies. The supplies were no problem – water, plastic cups, water melon for the morning & some decorative lighting – all we couldn’t get were the speakers. Now almost every store, shop & restaurant has at least one large, active speaker. Through these they blare extremely low res, pirated from youtube music at a volume designed to shred the speaker cones & any ear drums within 50 feet, but do you think any of these were available….no they were not! We called it off on Thursday, but on the promise of a mate of a mate of a mate, there might be a speaker available & so it was back on. Our networking skills must’ve been on fire as we ended up with two speakers & after some technical wiring on my behalf, had created a bass bin & a set of mid/tops. This was no Gillman Audio sound, but coupled with my lossless audio files, we achieved the best quality sound Ive heard in Ecuador! I recorded the session & split it in two. You can hear them here:

part one: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/sisutton/episodes/2017-01-08T10_23_57-08_00

part two: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/sisutton/episodes/2017-01-15T03_34_02-08_00

We set a fire on the beach, we hung hammocks & cleared the furniture & valuables from inside. We only had 20 foot of extension lead, so we had to set the decks up in the front garden, but that actually seemed to work better than setting up on the beach in the end. Danilo, who owns the beach bar, is the son of El Primo De Curia, in other words, the main man, so we approached him for permission to run all night & he approved. We spent the Friday & Saturday in Montanita, inviting every pretty girl we could see, a gesture many of their boyfriends didn’t see the funny side of, but we didn’t care, it was hilarious fun….I should prolly have said, there was a fair amount of rum involved & as a result, caution & diplomacy went right out the window 🙂

As it turned out, we think about 50 people turned up throughout the night, but as we were spread across a wide area, it never actually felt busy, or put another way, it mostly felt empty. Everyone we spoke to though said they had a fantastic time & the music was wonderful… There were still people turning up at 4am & with no holds barred, there was skinny dipping & jolly japes throughout. I had intended to start at midnight, but there were so many fireworks being set off on the beach, even the crabs were developing PTSD, so we held off for half an hour. I played through until the sun came up at 6am, we bought out the water melon & eased our way into the New Year as the warmth spread across the sand. We consider it a success & El Primo, who took the time to come down & say hello, has asked me to play the town festival on Feb 26^th – as I said, its no more than a hamlet, so they are probably pushed for talent to fill the bill, but I don’t mind, I think of it as acceptance & Im more than happy with that J

Bob The Builder (yes they made a film of it!)

The weeks after NY I spent continuing to network & struggling to find any of the people I needed. One day by chance I saw someone I knew & went over to chat. They introduced me to who they  were chatting to & before I knew it, I had a connection. Of course, this is Ecuador, so the email I had turned out to be wrong, as did the next one & the one after that, but eventually after a week of trying, I got the number of his girlfriend & we had a meeting on site arranged. The guy, Jarret,  couldn’t make it in the end, so he sent his father & business partner, Bob. Bob is old school Pennsylvania Dutch & came here seven years ago with his son & two back hoe excavators & hasn’t  looked back since. We immediately hit it off & as I ran through my plans, he assured me we were golden. This was Friday, so when we were done with our meeting & agreed we would start on site Wednesday, he offered to buy me a beer. So off we set down the road, heading inland along a road I hadn’t been down before & there at the end was a kind of shack, so we got off his bike & went inside. It was basic but clean, although the music was a little loud. We sat down with our beer & continued with tales of our past experiences on site, he was facing the bar, I was facing the room & I couldn’t help wonder why the other six or so guys were all sitting at tables on their own, evenly spaced around the edge of the room. A door at the back of the room opened, a guys stepped out & was followed to the threshold by a scantily clad young lady. I nudged Bob “looks like someone was having fun in the loo!”, “Nope, that’s not the loo…..I may’ve forgotten to tell you, this is your local bordello”. Two other doors open in reasonably quick succession & the bar woman (also owner) turns the music back down. Turns out the whole back wall contains 3 “bedrooms”, but they have no roof or ceiling, so when someone goes in, they turn the music up to mask the chanson d’amour.    I like this place 🙂

It turns out that prostitution is legal – there used to be a big problem with incest amongst the locals, so the government legalised brothels around the same time they criminalised incest, which appears to have been a relative success, though a little confusing for the guy who’s mum works there 😉 The big thing is that these girls run the place, not the owner, she is only responsible for the building. They set their rate, they decide who they entertain & who they don’t & there is a government sponsored health official that checks them every month & the police are on speed dial if anyone oversteps the mark. I chatted to one of the girls & she seemed not only happy in her work, but actually very proud of the service she provides & of course, by comparison, she earns very well. I didn’t get into the specifics of the menu system, but suffice it to say, the full works will cost you $10, which whilst that doesn’t sound like very much, is equal to about half a days pay for the average guy,  which is about the same ratio as everywhere else in the world…..apparently, ahem ; )

So Bob & I are now like old friends & as we say goodbye, we look forward to continuing on site Wednesday. Jarret calls me on Tuesday, they have run over, so can we push it to Thursday? Of course, no problem …….& then Thursday the skies erupt. I don’t mean a light shower, Im talking biblical floods here! The roads become rivers & its so hard it actually hurts when it hits you, which it does, a lot! We make an attempt to start, but we can all see that its dangerous & non productive, so we abandon site & call it a bordello day 😀

The rain finally stops on Saturday, so after a day to dry out, we make a start on Monday. Theres a limit to what we can do, but the important thing for me is to be able to see what Im doing. Naturally all the site clearance I did back in May has now regrown, but I also have about half a dozen trees that cut across site, with one being in the dining room & the rest in the swimming pool, so they have to go. Im not a complete hylophobe, so rather than just cut them down, we attempted to replant  them at the end of my property, which will hopefully become a green wall in the fullness of time. It went well, so with all the water we’ve had, they stand at least a 50/50 chance of surviving…. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching Bob as he expertly turned my green oasis into a smooth brown  canvas, ready to be marked out & have levels set. It wasn’t just that he was best left to it – even though I took a hat & it was overcast most of the day, Im pretty sure I got heat or sunstroke & have felt rough ever since – be warned, if you come over, protection isn’t just for Bordello days!! 😉

Ive made contact with another guy who, depending on how tomorrows meeting goes, may well be my foreman & we can really get things moving – more on that story as it develops, but the significant thing for me is, Ive broken ground, there’s no going back & everyday from now on is progress in one form or another…..can I get an Amen?!

Best Exotic Marigold

By chance a buddy from Vocal Booth, John Spoor is over here visiting the Galapogos & all being well we will meet up tomorrow night & spend the weekend together – not sure if he will come to the beach or I will head into the city, but it will be good to meet up. Further bookings are coming thick & fast with my mother coming over Feb, Jeff in March & Wally hoping to make it in April, so check your holiday entitlement people & let me know your dates. Just so you know, its super sunny till June, then its still lovely n warm, but white sky through till December. June is also when the whales can be seen from the beach, though better close up from a boat unless its an albino, then you row & you row like you’ve never rowed before!

…….So I think that’s enough for now – I do always intend for these updates to be shorter, but when I sit down to write…..I just have so much I want to share 🙂

Si x

Epilogue

So I began writing this update nearly 6 months ago & have added to it over the Summer, though I never felt it was right to publish until I had something positive to say. In packing up my possessions I have backed up endless data to various hard drives, except that all the supplemental updates have been copied to a drive now in storage, so all that remains accessible is my opening paragraph. To some this may be a good thing as there were times when my outlook was gloomy at best & disturbingly dark at others. I will do my best to recount the feelings as I remember them, but I think we will all be better off with the rosier retrospective I am now seeing things from….

24^th June

I’m not much one for religion, preferring the positivity of belief in oneself over the oppression of a dictatorial deity, but having been in the UK now for just about a month, for reasons I will expand upon later, I have recently turned to the Serenity Prayer for “spiritual” guidance……

To accept the things I cannot change

Brexit, State left.

Aside from being able to enjoy the best bits of Glastonbury from the warmth & comfort of ones Lazyboy, one of the few other benefits of being in the UK this June was being able to cast my vote in the single most important decision for this country in about 30yrs. So in the spirit of those great political orators – Blair, Barack & BoJo, Im not going to tell you how disappointed I am with the British Public. Im not going to discuss or debate with you how the emotive xenophobes were exploited as part of a wider power move. Lets not dwell on the events that got us here, let us focus instead on the good that is going to come from this. The last two weeks have been reminiscent of a Tudor tragedy, with Farage as Henry VIII, Cameron as Anne & Gove as the Other Boleyn Girl. In the absence of competition, let the fruit this tree bears go on to reign free for the next 30yrs, as Teresa May scans the cliff notes & steps up as Elisabeth. I for one will pledge to stand behind you in this time of great change & will promise to empathise in the strongest possible manner, from a distance that is intended to be a very long way away in real terms.

This paragraph is not the place to dissect how much this divorce will cost us in the long term, but let me say this, by fully committing to compensate for the extra cost of exchanging Sterling with Dollars, I will be paying an extra 20% per month in rent for a house I’m not at liberty to even live in. This fiscal measure has only been made possible by the hard work put into taking the short sighted shot at a purer population, free from Democratic Autonomy that has now shredded economical confidence. So let me finish by asking you, the people, if there are fewer migrants permitted entry, who amongst you will buy my house when they cant?!

 

Visa where art thou

To fully understand what has happened here, let me take you back to the beginning.

As you might expect, I did my research. So when I first arrived on a 3 month tourist visa in October, I knew that this period was limited to 90 days “pe anos”. I stayed 10 of the 12 weeks, leaving mid December. When I returned the following March for a further 90 days, I was told I only had two weeks remaining on my visa. My protestations of it being a different year carried little weight as it was explained the information I had read on the Embassy’s website was misleading & my year began on the first day I arrived, regardless of what the calendar may say about the passing of time.

You will recall from previous posts, I spent the time running up to my return flight trying to get my visa extended. A small change in the law that seems less universal & more a vindictive tool, meant I can only extend this visa in my country of origin….hence my hasty return to UK June 1^st.

Of course I accepted the advised 3 week time frame for visa renewal at face value – Duh! In an early conversation with the Embassy I was told they would consult with their superiors for an exception, but don’t expect to get a visa before November. No matter how I tried, including emails from their superiors confirming they were not allowed to do what they were doing, no one would accept my visa application. Naively I believed persistence & concerted effort would produce results. As no reason was given to support their stance, my belief was that it was simply a question of getting them to change their mind – my second mistake!

Thus I spent the summer in fruitless pursuit of answers that would never come, perched on the branch of optimism, adrift in stasis & bobbing in a pool of futility.

 

The Good

I am not so conceited as to think that whilst I was singular in my quest, I was alone in the experience. In times like these I turn to those who’ve had it worse, much worse in most cases, but we all know that it may not feel that way when its happening to you. One such source of inspiration was Helen Keller, who amongst her many quotations, reached me with this:

 “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved”

 Powerful words indeed & far more than my frustrations merited, but they helped me to make something resembling lemonade from a few sour grapes. I got to spend time with my family.

Of course you always take your frustrations out on those closest to you knowing they will absorb it, but knowing that doesn’t give you the time back to spend it more wisely or harmoniously, it simply underlines the regret. It wasn’t all wasted though, I got to spend some rare quality time with my rapidly growing nephew & every second I spent drowning in the eyes of my baby niece filled me with wonder & awe as she already seems to know far more than I ever will & dismisses all my anxieties with a smile that shines a light into my soul.

I also managed to see many of my friends – those I couldn’t get to, came to me – “Be the reason someone smiles today” works both ways & though never long enough, I am smiling in memory of the time we spent together.

The thing is, I never intended to spend so much time in the UK. I most definitely did not want to get dragged back into living the way one has to in order to swim with the flow, so I set about “doing my time”……….& that’s when things began to wobble.

 

The Less Good

I had completed all the outstanding works on my house, I had quotes in place for intended purchases, I had earmarked “stuff”& I had a sequence of events planned leading up to & following visa issuance, but until that happened, I had nothing else to do.

I spent many, many hours appearing outwardly catatonic, mind whirling on the inside. Mostly it was hugely productive & somewhat contrary to my physical inertia. I tweaked designs for my house, mentally built it, and then “virtually” lived in it. Of course there will always be elements I cannot foresee, but I’m pretty happy that I know every light switch & socket will be where I need them, the duct-work will go in before the floor so I can get the cables to them etc etc for each & every aspect. Yes these are the things an architect would normally do, but they work to algorithms for quantity & location, which likely would not match my requirement. So why not cut out the middleman & assume the responsibility. For me its far easier to learn from getting it wrong than to accept I allowed someone else to get it wrong on my behalf.

When you’ve done all that though & you’ve made all the notes, you then start going back over stuff you’ve already covered. That’s ok, you are being thorough & diligent. When you close your eyes & you continue to see the same, already resolved item, over & over again, there’s a little twitch, deep in the corner of an eye. You know what’s coming, it’s the visual equivalent of an ear-worm. A single segment on a torturous loop that wont switch off. Without a pleasant distraction, the negative thoughts seem to be the only ones that can interrupt the loop, but then guess what, that’s now the new loop. Doubts & self recriminations about everything set in – the endless loop of “what if I’d done that differently….?” This feels how madness must begin & I needed to do something before the rocking back n forth became permanent. A lion in a cage doesn’t pace for the exercise. When that is all he knows to do, what else can he do, should the cage ever be opened?

From somewhere in my distant past, music pushed its way forward to extend the hand that lead me back into the light. There’s a song from the early 80’s that’s helped me before, called “This is the Day” by TheThe that begins with the lyrics:

Well… you didn’t wake up this morning,
’cause you didn’t go to bed.
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red!

The calendar on your wall — is ticking — the days off.

 It goes on to the chorus:

This is the day — your life will surely change.
This is the day — when things fall into place.

Which is what got me to……

 

The courage to change the things I can

 

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.”

 Helen Keller again, this time giving me direction – I consider my purpose worthy, to realise that, action was required & fidelity was assured if I gave myself no other option.

It was going well, I had a buyer for my house, my plans had been redrawn – life & house. Orders ready, including shipping container, local storage, a kitchen, bi-fold doors & all glazing for my house…basically everything I think I will need that I cant get or do without in Ecuador. Im pleased many items initially on the list got moved to the ‘do without’ pile – the new minimalist me! Hahaha!!

All I still needed was the visa & I upped my pestering level. Once issued, I was going to be on a plane in the shortest time possible – everything else can be done remotely & dealt with further down the line. It was very liberating to accept that there are aspects of this plan that don’t all have to be in place for it to begin. Somehow Id forgotten it had begun a long time ago & has been evolving ever since. This is just the next part, so why wait, get on with it. And then the Embassy said yes……….

 

The wisdom to know the difference

 

I was invited into the Embassy on Monday at midday. Well I say Embassy, it was actually the Consulate & where the first is just along from Harrods in Knightbridge, the latter is little more than a processing plant around the corner from Kings Cross Rail Station. Far enough around the corner so as to not have benefitted from the recent gentrification, thus unsurprisingly, not the one where Julian Assange  resides.

At just after twelve on Monday, I sat across the desk from the Consular as he asked how he may help.

“HOW CAN YOU HELP ME?! YOU CAN START BY TELLING ME, WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K, THE PROBLEM IS AND WHEN I CAN RETURN TO ECUADOR!!!”

“There is no problem, but first you must submit an application”

Ok, so I hadn’t shouted, I hadn’t sworn. Though I can’t vouch for the parts of me the fake smile hadn’t reached, I was focused but very pleasant.

“I have all the necessary paperwork with me, as well as passport photos – couldn’t I submit my application now?”

“no no, we must first make an appointment”.

Breathe, breathe, smile. “ok, when is your earliest available appointment?”.

“tomorrow at midday we can do all that you need”.

The realisation that they have made an appointment to make an appointment, incurring me cost, causing me to suffer the rail & tube network, just because they can, actually makes me smile for real this time. I understood it, hell, I’d have probably acted similarly, but newly discovered wisdom allowed me to overlook it & see the bigger picture. Surrender to their tiny victories, take home my prize J

So it was, 24hrs & 20mins later I was the proud holder of a six month extended visa, the precursor stage to residency visa application. A couple of weeks to finalise the property sale & Ginger would be reaching for the chocks!

Of course, in my rush to obtain the visa, I’d left the lid off the ointment & flies were gathering. Early clues, previously discounted, were now past warning signs & my house buyer ultimately pulled out of the deal.  This completely scuppered all of my “phase 2”. Having made the decision to liquidate my assets, my new plan was built on the resulting cash-flow that had just evaporated.

Timings are restricted for phase 2 – only 5 months remaining on my visa now, residency takes 2 – 3 months to process, though “valid” once all paperwork submitted. Importation of a single container of ones worldly goods & chattels is duty free, providing it arrives within 6 months of the issue of residency visa. By Ecuadorians standards, that’s a tight schedule, but without knowing when the house would sell again…or by how much I may have to reduce it too, I was uncertain our timings would synchronise. I’d had over 60 viewings – to a person they loved the house but couldn’t park, so wouldn’t buy.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t teeter on the edge of darkness once again, but Id had my fill of wallowing & this just needed a good kick to restart it. So I booked my flight there n then, let the rest fall where it may!

Id given myself 2 weeks to pack up & get the hell outta Dodge – during that time I knew it wasn’t long enough, but with twice the time, I’d have still felt the same way. Yes there were a few tough choices that had to be made, but it all got done & I got on the plane.

Out of the blue, I also accepted an offer on my house, the morning before I got on the plane.

Now Im not sure where I stand on fate, luck or perhaps a version of karma, but there is definitely something! They say you make your own luck, karma is payback, be that good or bad for the person you are, but fate is pre-destined, so inevitable no matter what. We can’t know the result before the act, so we have to have faith in the outcome. We aren’t talking George Michael faith here, or David Ike’s little green overlords for that matter. This is simply a commitment to an idea; the unwavering pursuit of an ideal. With each measure of progress, we gain a little more happiness. Each set back is an opportunity to revise the plan. The closer we get, the happier we can be, until the day we realise, we want for nothing more.

Could it be that the actions of buying my ticket, clearing the house & packing my case had set a butterfly in motion? Were my efforts rewarded, were they even worthy given there’s more than a smidge of personal gratification involved? There may be an answer further down my line, but for now I need only celebrate the changing in my fortunes.

Prologue

I landed safely back in Ecuador a few days ago. Its not been all plain sailing, but it feels that way. Im still a little foggy & stiff from travelling, but I feel myself waking up again. There’s a lot that’s happened, but I will leave that for the next update due shortly.

Its slightly ironic that this post should have belief at its core given we are fast approaching Christmas, a period I’d rather didn’t exist & generally don’t enjoy. This year, even though I am away from family & friends, I feel like celebrating it for my own reasons. This Christmas I am born again & my faith in me will be everlasting. I don’t need to be told how to do that from a ghost written tome. I don’t need the rules handed out on post-it notes by a modern day Moses or to justify my actions through interpretation of someone else’s idea. I need to be me. I need you to be you & we shall be happy.

So without getting all Evangelical…my brothers & sisters, if you come to realise you are doing something that doesn’t make you happy, work out what does & find a way to make that your reality.

 There are no photos to share regarding my time back in the UK, but as some of you have asked, Ive included my house plans & a mock up for the kitchen. Im not sure if the .pdf’s will display & may need to be downloaded. Pay no attention to the furniture, placed only for room definition, but it should give you some idea of where you could be staying by this time next year…..

 

Si x

basement-planfirst-floorground-floorisometric-view-n-eisometric-view-n-wisometric-view-s-eisometric-view-s-wsection-a-a

Hey Everybody 🙂

Welcome back to another tale of Livin La Vida Loca here at El Casita Paradiso

Kicking things off with gratitude, Id like to thank all the people that have taken time out to post a comment on the blog page, sent a personal email, or delivered a review in person (thanks Jeff 🙂 ) more on that visit later……They are all very much appreciated!

Id also like to apologise for the length of time since the last episode – I felt kind of low after Jeff left, not exactly the blues, though of course there was an element of physical recovery ;). This though was more akin to culture shock & something of reverse home-sickness – let me explain:

 

Frustration

Part of my disillusionment with the UK were the social stresses associated with “success”; income, status etc versus the inevitability of never attaining “acceptable” levels of any of them, whilst driving oneself into an early grave in their pursuit. Here in Ecuador the trend is far more focused on “the moment”. Of course there are downsides to that model, but they become less relevant if not compared to the alternative. Jeff & I enjoyed some wonderful deep n meaningfuls, with many of them revolving around best practices & sage advice, all of which were engaging & informative. The problem though is that without realising, I began to start thinking like a Gringo. Everywhere I looked I saw sub-standard, ineptitude & inability, underpinned with the lack of vision or energy to change. I didn’t enjoy feeling this way & it lead me down a dark & winding path, questioning my own decisions.

Fortunately, there are so many wonderful things about this place that the context of the comparison at first became blurry & then receded so far back as to no longer be of consequence. It turns out I may be many things, but I am not suited to the city & not as much of a capitalist as I once thought. I recognise the need, so have loosely planned the future, however, its realisation will not be at the expense of the here & now. The destination becomes far less important when the journey is so rewarding!

As you might imagine, trying to write with so much noise in my head was not something I felt I could do justice to & humour was beyond my reach.

So once again, much like British Rail, I apologise for the delay & will attend to all claims for compensation first thing Mañana J

 

Snakes and Ladders

So in addition to having something of an introspective couple of weeks, Ive also been trying to get things moving on a couple of other fronts, most notably my property, but also my illegal immigrant status. As the sub-headings suggest, it has been something of a game, with me taking a few steps forward & then landing back on my ass wondering where it had gone wrong. As in the first paragraph, the issue was all in the perception & my expectation of what should be “normal”.

Armed with my freshly typed property deeds, I set about getting my land re-valued. There is a minimum investment amount of $25k to qualify for a residential investment visa & I paid somewhat less for my land. So the process involves getting the county appointed architect to certify a revised valuation based on pertinent new information – in principle this is nuts & open to flagrant abuse, of which, in testament to, I am now very guilty – I presented my papers, he asked what value I needed & why, I told him $25k & because I want a visa & he said probably will be ok, but needed more info. He didn’t need to see photos, or the plans for my proposed house. The price my neighbours had paid was also of little interest, however, the fact that the road leading to my property was now finished with tarmac was all he needed to satisfy the requirement. Of course I did consider telling him that the road had been finished before I bought my place, but I didn’t want him to feel like I was trying to do his job, so I didn’t. Omission isn’t lying; Omission isn’t lying; Omission isn’t lying; Omission isn’t lying!

 

Buckeroo

That was that then, a request & a satisfactory result, perfect! Of course, this is Ecuador & the process described above took nearly 3 weeks & seven daily trips to St Elena to see any number of different personnel & hand them a copy of my paperwork which was a uniquely challenging process…….

Hand paperwork to person #1 who scans it into the system, then prints out a copy for me to take to person #2, however, before person #2 can accept, I have to pay a fee. Go to assessment counter (next to person #4) who considers paperwork by staring & scratching ass before writing $2 on a scrap of paper. Take scrap of paper to payments (next to assessments). Usually there are two people in payments, one to take the money & one to stamp the receipt – one would think that either one of them could cover for the other for toilet breaks, lunch etc, but no, training is on a task by task basis & if you don’t know the correct order of stamp to pad to paper, the whole system falls apart, so with only the money taker present, I couldn’t pay until the receipt stamper returned. Down a snake!

The following day, with the stamper back at work, I was all set to blitz through the remaining formalities, or so I thought. Turns out person #3 is in an office down the street, so after person #2 repeating the scan & print operation, I set off in search of office person #3. Returning to the first office with more than sheepish embarrassment, I explained “just down the road on the right” hadn’t been enough for me to find office two, but rather than shrug & feign indifference, person #2 took me by the hand & led me down the road & didn’t let go until I was in front of #3, who unusually, spoke pretty good English. Whilst I waited for her to scan & print a 3^rd time I took the opportunity to ask why it wasn’t possible to scan once & email, “oh its good for photos & memos, but we need to be sure it has arrived with the other person & scanning it each time proves that & of course, you need to have a receipt from each person to prove they’ve done their bit!”, cant argue with that logic! 😉

 

Kaplunk

I got a call on Wednesday to tell me the paperwork was finished & I could collect it on Friday.  When asking by what time, they suggested Saturday might be better. Familiar with the scenario now, I asked if Monday would in fact be better still. Yes, much better, see you Monday. Unbeknownst to me & I hope to her, they would turn out to be closed on Monday, but at least I got a 3hr bus ride for nothing out of it!

Finally though, my land is now officially worth the minimum requirement, at a total administrative cost of $6 & my visa application is in progress. Unfortunately the remainder is fraught with similar challenges, so I am likely to have to rely on an official letter confirming my application rather than the full document, but I am told not to worry & it will all be fine…. Up the ladder we go!

Having undertaken similar experiences with other governmental offices, I now have a grand total of……permit to build, a cabinet in which to install electricity & a water pipe to site. I have also engaged a local “builder” to construct a site office/tool shed as well as plant my perimeter with a local flowering version of a privet hedge. Whilst on site he will liaise with the meter installers for both electricity & water, which should be live within the next two weeks…. So far up the ladder there’s not a snake in sight.

 

Monopoly

For the more complex bureaucracy I have the benefit of an Iranian friend (Hessam or ‘Sammy’) whose Spanish is better than mine. The downside to this of course is that we are perceived as two gringos – not too big a deal until you get to the discussion of money. A building permit should cost around $150 so I am told, but you don’t really need one unless they ask, apparently. Whilst Im not averse to traversing legality, I felt it appropriate that I did things properly, at least the first time & of course, when I am doing this for others, I see no value in leaving oneself potentially vulnerable. So off we went to the permit office. We chatted, they were impressed with my intent, they were amazed I had technical drawings, though they didn’t quite grasp some of the methodology. After some discussion between themselves, they decided on $20 pm2 plus $50 admin. Given my footprint is 150m2 (they don’t count each floor), $350 should cover it says the manager. We of course had to challenge this as they weren’t referring to any formal scale of charges, so the manager & his boss, as well as myself & Sammy squeezed into a cab & set off to inspect the land in order to arrive at a more accurate costing……

 

“it’s a big plot, it will be $100 at least just for permission to build a wall around it Senor”

“No wall, Im planting a hedge”

“oh”. “well you will no doubt be building 3 or 4 floors, so this will be expensive”

“ground & first only, though potentially a roof deck”

“a roof deck you say….?”

“well no, not really, probably just for water storage tank”

“oh, ok, well………. how much do you wish to pay?”

“I am told $150 is normal!”

“yes, but that’s for small house, 6 month projects”

“ok, heres $150 for 6 months & heres $50 between you & your boss in case Im not finished & you need to extend the permit beyond December.

“here is your permit Senor, good luck & come back to see us if you need anything else”

 

Game of Life

Now that I am starting to get work done & services installed I am having to pay out money & here that is a very literal term, with cash being king, queen & the royal baby. You will recall last time I was getting my grass cut, well I paid the required $30 into the gentleman’s account & gave him a week. Wanting to show off my land whilst Jeff was here, we took a drive only to find it was still a jungle. So two weeks with no change I eventually get him on the phone & was told he was waiting for me to pay. Naturally I said Id paid the very next day as agreed, but he asked how he was supposed to know that as he wasn’t going to make a 3hr bus ride to the bank in order to check that Id done as promised. Fortunately on a whim Id kept the pay-in receipt so was able to whatsapp him a photo of the receipt & the grass was cut the next day, but money transfers are not the norm here & people expect to get paid at the end of each week in cash, which on a cashpoint limit of $300 per day means a lot of trips into town.

So when Im not hovering at the cashpoint, I have to manage my outgoings carefully so I don’t run out of “folding”. Luckily expenses seem low, but I had to confirm that feeling, so at the risk of pissing you all off, my “exes” look like this:

 

• Groceries – approx $10 pw incl fruit, milk, eggs etc unless I buy bacon @ $6
• Eating out 3 @ $3, 1 @ $5 & 1 @ $10 as a special weekly treat J
• Combined electricity, water, rubbish, council tax etc $22 per month
• Haircut incl body shave $3
• Yoga @ $5 per 90min sesh
• Cigs @ $3.50
• Buses, taxis, occasional beer $10 pw
• Proppa coffee @ $2 a day

 

So in summary, without consciously skimping, Im barely spending $100 a week, thus had previously only gone to the cash point once a month…oh how that will change!

 

Trivial Pursuit

My lovely best friend took the time out & came to visit. It was great to see him & as always he was very generous, however, in spite of planning our week, it didn’t all go according to expectation. In case I haven’t covered it before, there isn’t much to do here in Olon. Yes there is usually more in Montanita, but the aftermath of the earthquake has had a very damaging affect on tourism, both foreign & domestic. This has meant that many places have gone out of business, or just closed awaiting a recovery, with those still open, barely doing so during the week & barely busy at weekends. We’d hired a truck, so we took a few trips up n down the coast, but there really isn’t much difference from one beach town to the next & it turns out, Jeff doesn’t like the beach (30yr friendship & who knew?!) So we went to the bar a few times, but what does one do when THE bar isn’t open??!! The upside of course is that we got to spend time & talk. In fact we talked like we never have before & it was great. Id like to think at least some of this was down to me – in my old life I liked to argue & that’s not conducive to good conversation. We also got to open up emotionally & this was beneficial for us both

 

Scalextric

So to celebrate the week we set off in the truck for Cuenca, a beautiful jewel high in the mountains about an 8hr drive inland. It boasts the largest concentration of ex-pats, has some of the best medical care in Ecuador & by my estimation, has at least 1 cathedral for every 10 people. Unfortunately, having spent 8hrs in the truck we were barely half way to our destination when common sense prevailed & we could no longer ignore the mechanical elephant under the bonnet. Im pretty sure it was a fuel problem, either water in it or just poor quality, but we could barely maintain 25kph by this point & did not fancy the idea of sleeping by the roadside, especially not half way up a mountain! So we turned around, headed back to Guayaquil & Jeff treated us to dinner & a luxury hotel night – oh how I wish Id packed my LBD.  I will include a picture of Cuenca, please use your imagination to fill in me & Jeff standing in the foreground.

I felt extra bad as it also turns out that Jeff is catnip for mosquitoes. Now Im aware they exist of course & occasionally I get a tingle when they bite, but its barely noticeable. Poor Jeff looked like he’d gone down with measles & chicken pox all at the same time, with no amount of repellent or soothing ointment making any difference. I cant imagine how uncomfortable that must’ve been & I can only admire his perseverance when sitting outside….though even inside with several plug in devices they still found him. In his own words Jeff has some handy hints, tips n tricks which Ive included below for all of you to consider before you rush to buy tickets 😉

 

A trip that’s definitely worth making (full stop).  But manage expectations upfront if you’re looking for an action packed, crazy trip.  It’s fantastic to see Si, and see how relaxed, comfortable, easy going, increasingly self-aware, entertaining and hugely hospitable he is in his new environment (not saying he wasn’t before!)  In spite of Si’s very comfortable rental and the beautiful scenery, the area of Ecuador he lives in has very basic creature comforts (no nail salons… well one that pretends to be a nail salon), basic amenities, and limited venues for entertainment (but still the same types of entertainment … restaurants, bars, and a club etc).  The people are welcoming and easy going, and interested in where you come from and what you have to say…

• If you’re looking to kick back, reflect, chill with Si, ‘chew the fat’, talk rubbish and just relax then this is definitely the pace… just pack light, don’t over think what to wear as the residents have two styles of outfits… very casual and incredibly casual.. no need to pack anything more that shorts and t-shirts
• If your adventurous then travelling is definitely an option but would recommend splitting the trip between chill time with Si at the beach and travel time exploring other parts of Ecuador
• Guayaquil is worth an overnight stay but only on the night before you depart …
• The mosquitos ate me alive… Si and friends zero bites… me … too many to count (did they itch … ugh)
• Try to get a direct flight to Guayaquil and skip the overnight at Quito…
• But definitely go… I’ll be going back early next year (if not sooner) J

 

Pop Quiz

Ive been touting my DJ skills to a local club owner, who loves my music & is very keen for me to play there. The problem was that I couldn’t get him to commit to a date & time beyond “anytime you want, just come & play”. This of course was too vague for me to action, but then a friend announced it was her birthday soon. A few suggestions here & there & next thing you know, Im playing the birthday party 😉 I caused some confusion, insisting on doing a sound check a few days before the event, not least of which because I refused to play if it was distorting. Ecuadorian speakers have two settings, off & ear bleeding. As it transpired, the owner offered me the Friday night residency which we will launch 1^st July. To be fair even the birthday party wasn’t very busy, but the music went down very well, with the only complaint being “I keep trying to sit down, but my ass wont let me”, Im ok with that 🙂 It’s the same venue that had the “beauty pageant”, its got a great vybe, loads of space & a pool, so Im definitely looking forward to building the Friday nights. His offer is to split the profit 50/50, so whilst I doubt I will clear the cab fare home for a while, its important to me to be involved in resurrecting what is now, my community, so the money is only secondary. There are no other venues that play real music, so if nothing else, I get to go out, have a good time & enjoy playing the music I love. The challenge here being its 8pm to 6am & I don’t know where Im going to find another 3 dj’s with complimentary music – anyone say VB/Pressure Radio roadtrip?? 😉

Ive included a video link for anyone that’s interested in seeing how the club was last year. If you fancy having a listen, then you can download the set at www.sisutton.podomatic.com

 

 

Cluedo

So its taken me a little while to really work out, but I love it here! Sure there are a few things Id probably change, but where aren’t there?! I bustle around doing bits n pieces & then I stop & catch myself looking at the beach, or in-country or simply sitting under palm fronds enjoying a beer (or fruit) & as Im processing how lovely/beautiful/amazing something is, I realise I LIVE HERE! It actually still doesn’t quite feel real. I had fantasies growing up, then they became dreams & even though I felt I was working hard to achieve them, deep down I doubted they would become more than just pipe dreams & ultimately, probably no more than wishful thinking. Yes Ive settled into a form of normality, gone is the “holiday” mentality of making the absolute most of 14 nights followed by another 14 days of misery at being back home. No its not Vegas, the Maldives or even the Cotswolds, its better than all of them because now its home & home is where my heart sings.

Wherever that place is for you, I truly hope you find it for yourself!

 

Hungry Crabs

Now I know I bang on about the beach being close, but check the photo below of a crab that wandered in to say hello 🙂 Ive also included a few shots a friend took of me as the sun was setting. It was around 6.15, so the tide had been on its way out for a few hours I think, but Im not really sure as they vary each day – In case anyone didn’t know, unlike the Med, the Pacific tide is around 2.5m & is affected by both the earths gravitational spin & the moons orbit. The spin takes 24hrs, but the moon takes closer to 25hrs, so over the course of a month, they gradually fall out of sync meaning day 1, tide in at 0.600, out at 18.00. By day 15, that tides in at midday & out at midnight, but as I cant tell just by looking at it & seldom know what day it is, I either get wet lying on the beach or I don’t 🙂

 

Jenga

Following some critique by you guys, I will begin experimenting with this blog. I am reading Aristotle’s Rhetoric & some books on creative writing, so will begin trying a few things out. One of those may be to shorten each post, but in order to do that, I should post more regularly, which as it’s a new artistic venture for me, is unlikely to coincide with me wanting to write. Clearly this edition hasn’t been one of the abridged versions & to be honest, Im not sure I see the problem with reading over a few visits – that’s usually how one would read a book after all?! I do of course acknowledge time considerations, ADD & maybe even boredom, but when the mood takes me, I like to write & I will continue to do so, even when I’ve run out of fact & have to resort to using my imagination!

So Im hoping the use of sub-headings will aid you in breaking it down into manageable chunks, but please feel free to offer any constructive writing hax (sic) 😉

 

Game Over

So that’s about it for now & probably for a little while too. I return briefly to the UK from 2^nd June, probably for 3wks as I need to sort a few things out & reassess the possessions I have left. It would be great to catch up with as many of you as possible, but of course realise that for many its just not doable. In any event, all your efforts are appreciated & we will make the most of whatever time we have.

I have included just a few photos – I was hoping Jeff would send one of his legs, but Im sure you don’t need to see that level of suffering. Theres also a new shot of my freshly cleared land J I have included links to a 4 part amateur documentary on Montanita (as I remember it from last year) & look forward to its glorious return

Until next time then, take care of yourselves & hopefully see some of you soon

Si x

Press start now to begin new game……

HolaOla (club)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcIw_Dq4UL0

Montanita Part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyqqLYJy-Z4

Montanita Part 1 Part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2BetpeuyUw

Montanita Part 1 Part 3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiYLpbLOw4w

Montanita Part 1 Part 4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTKOpdenNjM

Hey Everyone 🙂

So this last couple of weeks have been pretty big for me as life improves, things begin to fall into place & there’s been an addition to the clan, but more on those later….

Lets start with the shocking events of Saturday nights earthquake.

I’d been invited to dinner at some friends, we were having smoked BBQ ribs & to say I was looking forward to that is something of an understatement, which probably lead to the bizarre twist of me being ready very early. I had time to kill then, so kicked back outside, lounging with my book & enjoying the early evening breeze. It was fast approaching 7pm & just about completely dark when I felt someone wiggle my chair from behind, which was odd because my lounger is set within palm pots & not accessible from the rear. A quick turn around confirmed the absence of any schoolboys having fun at my expense. I turned back & as I scanned the page for my place, “they” started to jiggle my chair again, only this time they were being far from subtle about it. I swung round quickly, determined to catch them in the act & saw my landlords two workmen standing 10m away & pointing at me & my chair. I was confused, my eyes were contradicting every message my mind sent, I had to get to the bottom of this, so feeling like Regan, I hauled myself out of the chair, which was now moving so much I expected Max Von Sydow to show up to exorcise its demon. I managed to get out of the chair, but immediately fell over. The ground had become a fluid membrane & everything was moving beneath it. The vibration intensified, things were falling over everywhere, people were screaming, 100’s of car alarms joined the cacophony, the power sputtered for a few seconds & then went out, completely.

The noise seemed to stop, or at least became distant, like the way one hears the sea in a shell on the beach. Its there, its loud, but it sounds so far away. The dark seemed to suck all the noise into its vacuum with only a few desperate voices calling out to each other across the void. One of those voices was in English, or at least it sounded like my name, which was quite surreal & unexpected. The light from my Kindle enabled me to find my neighbour who was calling me from the road outside & we were quickly joined by my landlord & his wife with a torch, relieved we had all got out. We stood there, huddled really & stared up at the buildings, knowing they were still moving because the dead lights were swinging erratically as we desperately scanned the skyline watching out for falling debris.

It had been nearly 90 seconds since it all started when it suddenly stopped.

The noise came back, people rushing around unsure what to do, not knowing if it was really over, or if this was only the beginning. My landlords wife, Anissa, was panicked. Her husband Pierre had spent a lot of time in Chile, so was quite used to regular tremors & set about getting us settled in their garden whilst Anissa fetched a bottle of Tequilla to toast our survival – She is Serbian, so I am at a loss to explain her choice of alcohol, but easily grasped the need to feel a life affirming burn as the liquid poured down our throats & warmth spread from the inside out. The power was still out, so no wifi & on checking our phones, no network coverage. It was now we raised the question of what next. If this had been the start, then the main shock could come at any time. Any weakening caused by the first could crumble in the wake of aftershocks. Did anyone know if these follow quickly, would there be many, what was going to happen next, was there anything we could do?? Idle hours spent watching Discovery channel had provided some basic info, though I had never before put them into context. I knew a “quake”, especially one as big as this one felt, would have a knock on effect. A tsunami was the most likely event to follow, but as we didn’t know where this one had started, we didn’t know if a wave would push away from us or be heading towards us as we pondered potential action. Ever ready Pierre found a battery radio & we heard over the emergency broadcast that the epi-centre was Colombia. This got updated quickly & it was soon confirmed it had started in Mantabi province, about 300 mile to the north. Much like counting the time between thunder & lightening, Tsunamis travel about 600mph, so we now had somewhere in the region of 20mins to get to high ground. The Tsunami potential alert had gone out over the radio, but the sirens hadn’t yet sounded. What should we do??!!

In a strange moment of calm & clarity I knew I did not have time to reach the safety of the mountain in-land. I didn’t know if there would be a wave, the only thought going around in my head was of the horror of the Boxing Day tragedy in Thailand. The panic, desperation & ultimate futility of trying to escape an unstoppable force did not seem like the best choice, but the only other choice didn’t offer much in the way of hope either. I enjoyed another Tequila, stiffened my upper lip & contemplated option 2.

Almost at once what seemed like dozens of cars sprang to life out in the street & it was clear people were starting to evacuate….& quickly! I had no vehicle, but thanks to countless Hollywood depictions, I knew the pointless danger associated with 100’s of panicked drivers all blocking the roads & decided it was on foot or not at all.

A few minutes later the phone network came back & switching on data I mailed my mother to say I was fine, not to worry & to not over react to any BBC news reports. I didn’t want that to be a final communication, if it came to it I would make a phone call, but for now, reassurance felt like the important thing. With connection to the outside world restored, we all set about confirming fact – it gave us something to busy ourselves with while we waited for what might be the inevitable. As the minutes ticked by it became clear we had been far more fortunate than many others. The death toll was rising, reports of wide scale collapse across the country, military & emergency teams were dispatched to the scenes of greatest destruction. Reports were coming in of looting, panicked people running amok, lashing out at attempts to contain them & all the while a wave loomed out there in the dark, rushing towards land, ready to obliterate anything in its path. We waited.

After about an hour, the second bottle of Tequila now history, someone came up from the beach claiming the sea had receded so far he could no longer see it. We went down to the beach, a morbid fascination to witness the birth of our own demise, but as we walked the 50m, holding hands in hopeful unity, solidarity in the face of inevitability & security in the comfort of a shared experience, the lights came back on.

The sea was eerily flat, but still there. A glossy black expanse that seemed no more threatening than the solid sand upon which we stood, staring out to the horizon, eyes squinting to picture a rising wall of water, but there was nothing.

The news came in shortly after that, the warnings had been down graded, a wave was still possible, though unlikely to exceed 0.3m, much lower than the road on which I now stood. Crisis over!

We stayed out, going around the town, meeting up with others, checking on friends & neighbours, all sharing in the relief that it appeared to be over, with everyone surviving unscathed. There were something like 400 aftershocks that night, though probably as a result of the Tequila, I slept soundly throughout even though some were as high as 5 or 6. They are still going on & whether its psychosomatic or not, every time I sit in my chair, I feel it tremble & rock ever so slightly.

The death toll continues to rise & every news report shows new scenes of devastation. Many places are without water & electricity, people sleeping on the streets by the side of the rubble that was once their home. Their possessions gone, their lives safe, but their life destroyed.

Ive watched news coverage of disasters before, detached from the impact by being on the other side of the world, but this was close, very close & whilst I still feel the goldfish bowl sensation, for the first time I’m inside looking out & it’s a very different view…….

Now on to better news!!

On Wednesday 6^th April at 12.14am, my little sister gave birth to a beautiful 8lb baby girl, so now Sian & Warren are the proud parents of Emily Geraghty, Charlie has a sister & I am now an uncle as well as a godfather – Congratulations to all of us! 🙂

This great news kind of overshadowed the previous days event – I got to move into my new house & it is wonderful! Its not so big, but then neither am I & it has all I need to live happily & comfortable for the time it takes me to build my own. Its only a short stroll to anything & just a few steps to the beach, which just about makes it perfect! It even has an office, in which I am now typing this update, but will be quickly transformed into a second bedroom over this coming weekend as I eagerly await the arrival of Jeff, my first visitor & as such, the inaugural guinea pig for anyone else planning on coming over – I may well ask him to contribute a few lines for the next blog…….

Last Wednesday, the 13^th, I got an email from my solicitor, he had been issued the documentation that registers me as an official land owner! Yahaaay! I asked him to email me a copy, but as there were 20 or so double sided pages, he wasn’t able to copy them – except in very large firms, no one here has secretaries or support staff, so they do all their own typing etc. I couldn’t quite believe there was only the one copy & that that wasn’t digital – where was the fault tolerance??!! So, after some back n forth, he would put them in the post to my new address. After lunch he sent another email, he’d decided to send it by courier as that was both faster, safer & as such would arrive that afternoon. Of course it never showed. The following day still nothing, so using the tracking number, I tried to locate it. Invalid reference was not the result I was hoping for, so a little panicky I set about trying to discover what had happened.

Turns out the number was valid, but the tracking process assumes you know more information, without which the return is invalid. The address was in fact only used in order to establish what area of the country I was in & the documents were sent to a courier depot 1hr1/2 away in Libertad – of course they were, why wouldn’t they be & what kind of idiot was I, expecting them to be delivered to my address. So, having got my fluent Spanish speaking landlord to call the depot the next morning, we confirmed it had arrived the afternoon before & was waiting for me to collect. Friday I set off, more than a little anxious as I was unsure of how the process would work, I had a reference number, but no other details on how one was supposed to retrieve a parcel. I arrived at the bus terminal & caught a cab to the depot, which was closed. I walked around to the other side & found a van pulled up to the kerb, mountains of boxes & packages stacked up on the pavement & a mass of people jostling at the doors to the truck. I fought my way through, gave my reference number to the guy pulling boxes off the truck & as he promptly put it in his pocket, I readied myself for a wait. After a while another truck appeared & a different guy started to load the piles of boxes into his truck. It seems that the pile on the left was headed to somewhere, with the left for somewhere else, but how they knew, I know not. If there was a system, it remains shrouded in mystery because as far as I could make out, a box came out of truck A, if none of the crowd claimed it, it went via the pavement onto truck B & no one seemed to be taking any notes of what was where. After a while the guy Id given my number to appeared & confirmed he’d checked the whole truck & my package wasn’t there, so I should come back tomorrow & try again. Oh no no no no sir! “My package was delivered yesterday & your colleague confirmed its presence inside”, says I. “hmmn, ok, I will go & look”, says he. “Nope, its not here, come back tomorrow”. I believe my face translated what my mind was thinking, which went something along the lines of…I am not leaving here without my package, it IS here, your mate confirmed it & if you wont go & look for it, I will do so myself & I will be neither gentle nor considerate about it. I actually said something along the lines of please look one more time & luckily with the insistent encouragement of my expression, he managed to find the package.

Finally, success, I own land & I can prove it!!

Later that night I was invited back to the local community dinner held at the coffee shop/yoga dojo/vegetarian restaurant, which as a special treat for me, was cooking chicken – my heart swelled, a tear squeezed from my eye & my mouth began to salivate. It was lemony, it was juicy & it was delicious! One of the other guests had even made a cheesecake, which turned a lovely meal into a wonderful feast 🙂

These community dinners are a broad ranging affair, we had attendees from Israel, Croatia, Iran, California, Utah, Colorado, Canada, Austria, Ecuador & UK, so its also very lively with engaging & diverse conversation. Some were leaving the next week, others like myself had things to celebrate, so we all headed down to Montanita afterwards to carry on the party. It was unusually quiet in town, so we made for our favourite bar, Holaola, which literally means “hello wave”, but is widely used to cover everything from spiritual awakening, to general greetings between like-minded souls. It was pretty quiet in there too, but as we were in a group & we knew all the staff there, it was easy to have a good time. The dj even played the occasional good track in between the standard reggaeton & euro-trance. 😉 After a little while, a red carpet gets laid across the middle of the floor & whispers begin that there will be a pageant. Now Ive not been to many pageants, so Im not really sure how they are supposed to go, but I felt sure something interesting was about to happen. All I did know was that around 30 girls had headed behind the privacy of a hastily slung curtain/sheet/towel & the excitement was building.

The music stopped, the lights flashed, the curtain twitched then dropped & the pageant was under way. In procession, all 30 girls sashayed for the length of the carpet, turned around with varying success, before heading back to the curtain. No one had announced anything, no one introduced anyone & none of the girls had numbers or any way to differentiate between them. Their clothing was likely from their own wardrobe & mostly consisted of a hot pants & t shirt combo. Their make up was on the thick side & many were clearly nervous as they waited in line for their turn. Stretching, practice twirls & eyes closed, mentally girding their loins for what may be their first public appearance. 30mins in & they were all back behind the curtain & the dj started once again. Maybe that was it?! We of course were left a lil dumbfounded as to what had just happened, entertaining as it was, we really weren’t sure what we’d just seen, so conversation turned to what next. I won the guessing game as the curtain once again opened to reveal all 30, this time in swim wear 😀 They did the same walk & 30 mins later they were all back behind the curtain. 10 mins after that they all walked out the front door & onto a waiting coach. Ok, there is no front door, the place has no walls, but the point is they just left, no thank you’s, no presentations, no explanation, nothing. On reflection I think it could have been my first flash-mob, but Ill probably never know for sure. I love that odd stuff like that just happens & everyone carries on regardless!

So that’s about it for this edition, next time I will have tales of Jeffs visit – we are planning on a trip! Further news on cutting down my jungle to see what the land beneath it holds & hopefully no more excitement from Mother Earth pushing back. Till then, thank you for all your messages of concern for my safety, even Stevie who called me at 6am Sunday morning was appreciated – I know you care & I love you all the more for it!

Thanks also to all of you leaving message/comments on the blog 😀 I have to moderate them, so don’t be concerned if they don’t appear immediately…..say what you like, moderation doesnt include editing, though my opinion is final 😉

S x

Hey Everyone 🙂

So here we are then, technically my first “update” delivered online & thus, now its “on demand”. The good news for you guys is that you now have a chance to opt out…..so for those of you not reading this, I understand, no need to explain, but please pop back another time when you’ve got less going on & my life is starting to look interesting again 😉

This also means that the renaming ceremony planned to coincide with this update, will now be postponed indefinitely as each new post requires a title by default. So for now at least, & not because none of you wrote in with suggestions for a new title, I will theme them according to whatever pops into my head, or perhaps the significant subject matter of the post…..& this week that’s Easter!

I confess, I misled you as I was misleded unto myself.

Many of the locals I have spoken to blame the economy & it seems those very same locals may well have been right, as people stayed away in their droves & made this Easter a non event. Friday night is usually a-buzz with early arrivals ready for the weekend. Finished with a working week that affords them their own car, or at least to know someone that does, hanging out the passenger side of their best friends ride…..but still, there were very few & Friday night was very quiet.

Rewarded here on earth

The upside then is that there were very few bookings for my hotel, so after much debate & even more gesticulation, we agreed on an extra $30 for the weekend & I could stay in my room 🙂

Now of course, no good deed goes unpunished, a prophecy I fully understood as a young couple & their baby moved in to the room beneath mine. Ive admired the timber floor in my room since I got here. It is rough hewn from cheap wood, but sanded smooth & sort of level with the grain looking real pretty, but so far I had only seen it from above. I was first struck by the many, many shafts of light pouring up through the floor as it eventually dawned on me, there was no ceiling below & therefore very little to interrupt the now steady flow of noise. Its very common here to just not bother with a window & simply install a frame with fly screen across it, so Ive become used to hearing people as though they were in the next room. This young couple tho, it was as if we were in the very same room – I almost gave myself whiplash I looked round so many times as I thought they were talking to me. To be fair to the baby tho, he kept quiet during his parents amorous escapades, so at least I got to sleep through them…..

& he shall rise again

Saturday morning then & Im up & awake but feeling sleepy. There are very few traders around & no one seems to be doing anything at the church, the obvious epicenter for the fervent. Its also clear that nothing is going to  happen, so I head to the beach by early afternoon. A nice swim, the sea both refreshing & a workout, so Im now ready for a snooze. Dry my head n hands, light a smoke & pop the headphones on to let Shizzla’s Vol 24 take me to another place. I lay back & let the music wash over me. Not asleep, but you wouldn’t know it from the outside. The salt drying on my legs pulled at the hairs, ensuring I was bought back to reality as I mentally tried to assess, or sense if you will, whether I was sufficiently dry yet to apply lotion….Now I wont bore you with the lengthy conversation that went on in my head, suffice it to say I decided I would stay for 6 tracks, 30mins only & then head home for a cool shower & a snooze in the shade. Photo 1 should tell you all you need to know as to why that was the wrong decision & needless to say, I no longer wait & always apply while wet…..

& If Ye Shall Taste of the Flesh

Whilst there were very few people out & about, I was mindful of the dietary restrictions Catholicism dictates over Easter, so stayed away from my usual haunts & headed for a beer & tacos at Eddies Place. Eddie is what some describe as a lovable rogue. Ecuadorian born, but grew up with a large family in Miami, honing the “entrepreneurial” skills he has bought back to Olon. His English is excellent & as such, his trade is a rolling stock of ex-pats, most of whom seem to want something that Eddie can get or knows a guy for. He’s not quite as lovable as Ellis “Red” Redding, though his trade appears just as brisk & he’s possibly a better cook. Turns out tho, the cook is only as good as his ingredients & the cramps I endured for the next 72hrs would suggest that as tasty as the chicken burrito was, it contained far more bacteria leaving the kitchen than it arrived with.

If I Should Sleep before I Wake, I Pray the Lord My Soul to Shake….

So that was Easter, a damp squib if ever there was & certainly not the religious extravaganza I was expecting….but wait, whats this, the party is back on, but now its next weekend! Yes that’s right, the 1^st weekend after Easter is when Olon celebrates its own “Mercy Day”. It seems Jesus rising from the cave was just not that big a deal & it’s the second week, where mercy was shown that provides the cause for celebration, so now they will party!

It all started on the Friday night. The town square positively heaving with the weight of roadside vendors, all set around the formidable main stage, seemingly transformed overnight. Having eaten, I shuffled around for a few hours, milling with the locals & tourists alike, just going around & around with very little happening. Thinking the stage must be set up for Saturday, I called it a night a little after 10.30. Around midnight I was shaken from my slumber by a cacophony the like of which I have never before heard. Two things were very clear, Ecuadorian amps go up to 11 & the warm up band thought they were headlining. Of course I toyed with the notion of getting up & going for a look, but my ears were actually starting to hurt even tho I was behind the system & over 150yrds away in my hotel. Headphones on & sleep aid swallowed, I opted to remain in bed as surely by the time I get up, get dressed & make my way to the stage, they will inevitably begin packing up. At some point during the night my headphones & I parted company, so it came as something of a surprise to be roused by a familiarly painful volume as the closing act took the stage around 7am. Rock on!

& He shall be raised upon High, for He has a pick up

Nothing happened anywhere near early on Saturday, by lunchtime tho, things were beginning to stir. There was a short church service, entry to which was accompanied by the Banda Orquestra, putting a lil voom in your vespers. Following a quick prayer & a couple of hymns, a symbolic “Christos” was loaded into a truck, the band piled into another, important members of the church got the last truck, with everyone else taking a seat on a dragon train. Im no theologist, so Im sure you will forgive me if I don’t recall exactly where a dragon fits into the original story?? ……..Anyway, Effigy, Band & the faithful set off to tour the streets, which they continue to do for nearly 4hrs & as you may recall, Olon isn’t that big, so they were passing by my window about every 20mins. Now that’s taking your message to the people, however, I did find it odd that people waited for it to come around again instead of joining the procession! 🙂 I do have to say tho, I enjoyed what they played – A curious mix of Tijuana Brass meets Naw-lins Ragtime on speed. The bass drum was straight 4×4 at about 98bpm, but the kettle, snare & cymbals were double timing on an imaginary off beat. All the while the brass is swinging between manic & melancholic, maudlin & mujahidin.

It shall come to pass, a glorious thunder

I was expecting a repeat performance tonight, so planned on taking in the experience of the main square, so needed an early snooze. Fan on, gently sliding into slumber & boom, shake the room, which felt like, BOOM! SHAKE THE ROOM! That’s right, there is no main square show, tonight its all about taking things to the streets. So yes, that was the sound check for the set up right outside my window. It would appear that after some serious sweat n tears, a roadie had managed to get the amp up to 12 & subsequently broken the knob off. Of course my balcony affords me a good view if not a reduced volume, so I watched a few hours of the compare going around the crowd, asking where they were from & getting them doing animal impersonations in between the dj slamming out another Reggae-ton floor filler, which no one danced to. An accomplished MC, he had them backside balloon busting, limbo & more impressions before opening the floor to karaoke wannabeez, which was my cue to lay down & put something soothing on the mental jukebox:

Hello darkness my old friend, Ive come to talk with you again. Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping. When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light, that split the night. And in the naked light I saw, 3 or 4 people, maybe more. People hearing without listening, people talking without speaking & no one cared that they’d disturbed the sound of silence.

Yes, so the music wound up around 2am, but that’s when the fireworks started. Now given the vast majority of the foreign imports in Ecuador are from China, one would’ve expected a decent showing from the pyrotechnical originators. Whilst I am amazed at the mechanics of fireworks, Im left rather flat with the end result & have never been part of the “oooooh, ahhhhh” crowd. It seems they don’t go for the pretty colours here, but rather the biggest bang they can get, a fact I was soon to get intimately acquainted with. The first sonic boom seemed to implode my chest, pushing me down into the mattress for a split second only to immediately leave a void in its place as the sound sucked the very air out of the room. My PTSD addled brain limped into overdrive as I imagined the Ringmasters introduction……

Aaaand Now, Preeeesenting in the left corner, aaaaaall the way from Liuyang City, China, iiiiiiiiiiiits FFFFlasssssh Baaaaaaaang!!!!!

Not unlike Amsterdam at New Year, its about the sheer volume created by huge numbers of exactly the same firework going off at the same time. For the Dutch its firecrackers, for Olonians its Flash Bang Bombs!

Let me tell you, I very nearly soiled myself. This was air raid without the timely benefit of the pre-warning siren. It felt like the final Armageddon beginning all around me, wrenching me from sleep as I struggled to piece together what was happening & in which direction to run! I headed for safety in the street, only to find the dj gone, replaced with a tower assembly, listing yet still looming up into the night sky, the blue touch paper awaiting the fiery touch that will ignite its coat of many crackers

Ok, this is nice, Ill get me some snacks & watch the display thinks I 🙂 Just then, a squeal goes up as a man wearing a small bull on his head emerges from the crowd. The bull is stuffed with all manner of explosives as it runs around chasing the excited crowd. If this wasn’t frightening enough, whilst people were busy watching the bull get ready, the organisers were placing huge flash bombs discreetly in amongst the crowd, so as they ran away, they ran into explosions. Amazingly no one appeared hurt, which was lucky cos St Johns Ambulance were no where to be seen. When the Pamplona on TNT fun was over, it was time to light the tower, it rounded off a pretty wild night & everyone seemed to thoroughly enjoy themselves. If I hadn’t been quite so scared, Im sure I would’ve as well 😉

Reap as Ye Shall Have Sown

There’s been a delay in the processing of my land registry documentation. Ive been told I am 5^th in the queue, but no real context as to what that might imply. Not sure what the issue is, though I am informed it is a general issue & not something specific to me, so no doubt some joker has hidden the ink pad & left them all blindly waving their dry stamps in the air, unable to pass a partially completed document on to the next stage. Its strangely reassuring to know that bureaucracy moves at its own pace, regardless of where in the world you are.

So whilst I have spoken to contractors & have agreements on intent, little of the initial works can be agreed until we know what we are looking at & when we can start – nothing can be agreed until I have the paperwork. This leaves me at a bit of a loose end. Long story short, looking for something to keep me busy, I went to look at 3 jobs for ex-pats. All 3 are disasters that Im not going to detail, but will say Im not getting involved with any of them. What I learned though, was that these “almost clients” had spent several hundred thousand dollars on very poorly constructed houses, so assuming I can realise my intention, finding buyers shouldn’t be a problem. Until then, I am settling into Ecuadorian life & whilst it isn’t completely relaxing as I know I will become very active as soon as I get the nod, I do have something of a routine that fills my days – hopefully next week I will be starting therapeutic pottery – so you can all expect wobbly ashtrays for Christmas 😉

Is that The Rapture, or just a fat lady singing….

Either way I think this is a timely place to pause for this episode. I do appreciate that many of you just don’t have the time to work your way through these mini novellas, however, hopefully now they are online, you can ease your way through them at your own leisurely pace, as & when convenient.

Before I go tho, a few shout outs: To my mum for being the first to sign up as a follower, To Roz, wishing you a speedy recovery & to my sister & brother in-law. Sian & Warren should be welcoming a lil baby girl into the world sometime between now & my next issue, so I would like to get in there early & congratulate them both. Not forgetting Charlie of course, who now takes on my role as a big brother 🙂

As always, miss you all & wish you were here…..